The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, August 08, 2005

A Doctor's Education

How much is a doctor's education worth??

Around 100 grand, maybe more, and this one hasn't learned etiquette a t 3rd grader has.

I was serving on the patio on a Friday nite.

Not crazy busy but steady, and hot.

My section was starting to filter out, good.

No major hitches and good tips (I'm not always bitter).

Earlier in the evening however when I was semi-weeded three self important ladies stopped me in my tracks.

"Sir that's Dr. Holdem out there!" (named changed mostly to protect me)

Like I care...

"Do you know what he's drinking?" Harps her friend.

"No, I'm not his waiter ma'am," I have two checks to print and food coming up... Sweat forming on my brow

"Well can you find out what he's having? We'd like to buy him a drink."

"I will when I have a second," of course I never did, I don't like interruptions from the self important, and definitely not from those who drop titles of their proctologists.

I don't care if he's King Tut of the fuckin Amazon tribe, my people take priority over three over the hill hags who have nothing better to do than chug White Zin.

Well enough with the kind flashback, later in the evening the gentleman Doctor was looking kind of cross.

It seems his server made an error on his bill.

"I'm not paying for this," quips the good doctor.

Anthony his server apologizes and brings him a new bill

The good doctor then proceeds to rip up the bill and throw it on the ground, all in front of his wife and daughter.

I personally was shocked, there where other patrons witnessing this act, and Anthony is one of the owners son's.

"He's non-fireable," I think with a grin.

One of my dreams is about to come true, I've always wanted to do what I think is going to happen.

"What are you think you are doing sir?" Says Jimmy

"This is ridiculous, you don't even deserve a tip after all of this."

"The only reason you're getting a tip is because my wife feels sorry for you, I don't," mutters our highly educated friend.

I find out its 10 bucks on a $120 bill, she's such a humanitarian.

Tony goes on with a glare, "It looks like you need the money more than me, I don't want your tip."

Yessssss!!! The line is crossed.

"Well I'm doctor such and such, you can't talk like this to me!"

"I don't care who you are!" as Jimmy walks away...

I hope he didn't get his free drink, and I hope Jimmy never had to have the indignation of picking up the scraps of his credit card slip.

That's a bussers job!!

Just kidding guys.

The bonus part is when I figured out how I knew Dr. Bones.

I stole his son's girlfriend, so some times we screw you literally guys, let that be a lesson to you!

My final point, If you spent 8 years of graduate and post-graduate education and a hundred thousand dollars, you should have better sense than to throw a five year old's tantrum.

Self restraint and patience are priceless, even if you have to fake it.


At 9:25 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a priceless observation!

At 2:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahaha he got his just desserts!

At 7:54 AM , Blogger Kathleen said...

Um, I don't like to nitpick, but I had trouble following this story. You mention Tony as being the owner's son, but then mention Jimmy, but don't explain who he is.

I get the gist that the doctor was a twit who wasn't raised properly, but what exactly was his problem? I'm not being mean (or at least that's not my intention), I just don't understand the story.

At 10:03 AM , Blogger irv said...

ditto kathleen. i got a little lost too.

good story. the universality of waiter life cracks me up. 'in the weeds', 'had to print a ticket,' 'grimace the second they walk through the door and pray they don't end up in my section'...
LOL. i gotta get out of the biz.

i wonder why the doc was such a prick? he probably felt the inattention of the servers who neglected to bring him a free drink from your 'hags,' whose reverence he invariably felt clear across the patio......

you know what we always say in the business: universal conscription is long dead, but it should be replaced with a mandatory one-year sentence in the industry as a rite of passage to adulthood.......

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