I want to work here

From Craigslist:

Reply to: job-347399212@craigslist.orgDate: 2007-06-07, 11:52PM EDT

Face it, waiting tables (and it's sidekicks bussing and running) is often a pretty crappy job. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either:

a) lying

b) trying to sell books

c) is about to offer you Kool-Aid.

Psycho bosses, long hours, annoying entitled New Yorkers ("ugh, you said 20 minutes 15 minutes ago!"), strollers, damn strollers......ahhh, but you do leave with a good amount of cash in return.

Well here's a thought - how about leaving with your self-esteem in tact, too? Yes, I think it is entirely possible (call me a fool) to work the front of house and not die a little bit inside each night. If you do too, and you can find Brooklyn on a map, maybe we can work together.

I sincerely believe that a good dining experience starts with the owners and staff being happy. I don't let people talk down to my staff (including my staff). I don't own high chairs. My coke comes in a can. And is actually Pepsi.

I'm looking for several hard-working, sane, wine-savvy and reliable people to take the stage (and you should know it's all about taking control) at my little Brooklyn restaurant and wine bar. We serve primarily pizza (in Brooklyn, the wonder of it all) from a normal old pizza oven, the kind with gas heat and metal doors. No bricks. I know, a borough shudders. There will be some exotic ingredients thrown in, but for the most part I am aiming for simple, fresh pizzas and esoteric wines in expensive stemware. There are about 35 seats. I should have over 200 labels on the wine list by the end of the year.

I am more interested in finding the right people and building a team (ugh. i hate that word. better than coven i suppose) than in saying I need " x number of waiters, x number of bussers, etc." Hire adults and these things tend to work themselves out.

Here's what I am looking for:

- be hard-working, reliable and operate on intuition.

- be able to go eight hours without sending a text message (for real) - have solid wine knowledge. Knowing that Caymus is an expensive CA red (and white) is not enough. Tell me the process of Recioto and then we're getting somewhere.

- have good general food knowledge, like knowing whether turbot is a vegetable or bird

- be personable, articulate and attractive (define that last one for yourself. it does come from inside)

- speak profoundly fluent English

- not bitch about Brooklyn (also two hosts or hostesses who are GREAT with the phone. and not just texting - see above)

Pay is above minimum wage, but real minimum wage (plus tips), and not that crap most places (under)pay you while charging you for family meals that suck. The front of house is pooled, including bar. I intend on the opening staff to help determine steps of service and such. I want to make this the restaurant job you leave one day and wish they could all be like that. For me and for you. We are opening at the end of the month for dinner and two weeks later for lunch. We DO NOT serve that Sunday meal whose name shall be neither spoken nor typed. I expect to rather if not very busy from the outset. But who knows?

So if you have two or more years of New York or equivalent experience (SF, Chicago, NoLA, but not LA. The food sucks in LA) send me a resume. A photo is nice too. Maybe a story about your worst or best table. A haiku about how much you hate Southern tourists. Something. I know you may earnestly love food and wine and be quite bright, but you must have some serious experience for this work. I will be checking references, so tell your friends to be creative.

You know the formula: more skills + harder work = less staff = more money = Prada. Or grad school. (How shallow) Please write with any questions you may have.