The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, August 08, 2005

Jihad on the "Ranch Heads" and others of their ilk...

Much like their close cousins the potheads, ranch heads are jonesing for substance with green leafy flakes in it...

At the establishment I work at there are many gourmet salads, at there 10 bucks a pop at lunch which is great for my check average at lunch.

With such delectable homemade dressing as Basalmic and Garlic vinaigrette, Basil Dijon or even the semi-weak creamy Parmesan.

All with perfectly paired salads and their ingredients, all prepared painstakingly by a world class chef all to be smothered in....

Hidden Fucking Valley...

With extra dressing on the side...

With no tomatoes, Cucumbers instead of Onions and on and on and on...

If I ever own a place there will be no substitutions, unless due to health reason.

Then there are the people who want ranch on their fries, sandwiches, veal, chops, gelato, and it never ends.

And they are always middle age women with no jobs, just time.

Which I don't have when I'm running eight tables at lunch and have a paragraph to type in on a very unwieldy computer for the kitchen to try to sort out...

All on a 4 ounce side salad.

4 Comments:

At 10:32 PM , Blogger Norman said...

so is Ranch Dressing really that annoying? I find myself ordering Caesar salads just to be different. But the joke here (in Texas) is that "it aint' a proper salad without the RANCH". You should see the stares I get when I order differently.

Oh - and I jumped over here from Waiter Rant. Saw your "shilling" comment, and figured "What the hell! I'm trying to broaden my audience too!" so here:

www.iamnorman.blogspot.com

norman

 
At 5:24 PM , Blogger Norman said...

Wow! I grew up in San Antonio, graduated from Churchill... small (internet) world - huh?

i like your blog by the way!

norm

 
At 1:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

honestly i think thats why i hate ranch dressing......

everyone thinks its a fucking condiment

like there's a difference when you order ranch 'sauce' its different than ranch dressing

also to the stupid bitches that order xtra ranch on the side

i always do this:

'ma'am, the portion of dressing we serve to you is 4 oz.... you would like two of those?'

to which she always replies: 'well, how much is that?

and i just say: '8 oz is a small bottle of dressing'

now granted.... an 8 oz bottle of dressing at the store is like almost a trial size... but it gets my point across, i get to be a bitch, and they can't say a damn thing bc i was just re-affirming the order and being informative on the portion size

i've been in this business waaaaaaaay to long.........

 
At 4:00 PM , Blogger VinoBabe said...

gawd. I hate ranch dressing. I can't even stand the smell of it - when I was a server I detested serving it.

I once worked at a restaurant where the chef hated it just as much and refused to carry any.

It was blue cheese, creamy italian or Balsamic Oil and Vinegar (all home made) if you didn't like those choices, may we suggest the soup option.

 

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