The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Guest of the Week

Really, one of the benefits of working with the public is seeing how stupid or entitled they can get, I’m not sure which category this table falls into, but they’re idiots.

A two top walks in the door, they are typical corporate suits and probably have some form of higher education.

They sit at their two top table and take their jackets off and arrange their briefcases and coats.
One of the “gentlemen” uses the table to the right of him as a coat rack, the other gentlemen uses the chairs on the table to the left of them as a storage area for his bags.

Now this wasn’t my table, however the table to the left of them was in my section, and there was no way in hell I was about to sacrifice a money making table because of their ignorance/stupidity of thinking that they deserve three tables for the two of them.

Now, I had three choices, I could offer to check their coats, I could politely explain where the coat rack was, or I could make them aware of their stupidity.

I think we all know what choice I took.

As we were starting to rev up for a busy lunch in which surely we would need all tables, even those that were transmogrified into coat racks, I decided to help out the hostess.

First I took a four top to the table that was being used as laptop storage. The two businessmen started fidgeting uncomfortably when I approached their neighboring table. The new table kind of froze as they saw their seats filled with someone else’s crap and the businessmen grumbled an apology as they moved their crap to the table on the other side of them, my table.

“Sir, I need that table cleared as its reserved.” I said with a strained tone.

“Um, well were are we supposed to put our coats?” One of them replied.

“On the coat rack.” Was my obvious answer.

“What about our laptops, where do you expect us to put them?” The other man asked.

“Pretty much anywhere that isn’t someone else’s table.” I said. “Thank you gentlemen!”


At 8:24 PM , Blogger rob rob the party slob said...

I can't believe you don't know that we've all started using tables as coat racks and lap top storage areas... we're even changing the name of the computer to table tops instead of lap tops (yeah I know that was a lame joke)

At 1:09 PM , Blogger Ray said...

I would have told them "YOUR OFFICE" when they asked the laptop question.

Bunch of donkeys, eh?


At 4:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

shopping bags
diaper bags
gift boxes
gift bags /
Dentures / knitting bags
laptops /phones
color books
big purses
walkers / sunglasses
and the list goes on and on......
Then then they leave half of it behind and call a week later and bitch because you don't have any of the stuff they left behind.

Mommy where's my stuff ?

At 4:35 PM , Anonymous Stage Manager said...

This is one of my biggest pet peeves... and it happens all the time in my job, which is no where near a food-service job.

I'm a stage manager, working in a small theater. We once had a set that was a full living room with a couch, tables and a coatrack. Audience members would WALK ONSTAGE to hang their coats on the SET. And when we asked them to remove the coats, they would belligerently ask: "Well then, where in the hell am I supposed to put them??!!"

Up your ass, friend, up your ass.

At 9:59 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good response. Not TOO bitchy, but bitchy enough.

I can't get over the stage manager's comments. SERIOUSLY? ON SET??? wow.

At 6:16 PM , Anonymous stage manager said...

Yep. Seriously. I really couldn't get over it.

At 6:26 PM , Blogger Tam said...

lmao at stage manager.

Glad there wasn't a lavvy on the set.


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