The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

A Quick Shot

So here's something a little less serious than recent posts.

A group of office ladies come in for lunch...

I go around taking the requesit Iced Tea orders and waters with lemon...

Then one of the ladies about lurches out of her seat at me,"Sir! Sir! She's retiring today!"the lady shouts.

Hopping up and down pointing at the end of the table she queries,"Doesn't she get something?"

Loud enough for the whole table to hear I proclaim...

"She sure does!"

"She gets to have YOU buy her lunch!"

I turn around and walk away.


At 12:47 PM , Anonymous California Eater said...

Sorry for this OT comment, but I would like some expert advice.

Recently, I went to a very nice restaruant (i.e. $35 and up for a steak) with 2 friends, plus a couple that I had just met.

When the waiter came to take the order, I asked "may we have separate checks?"

His response was "no, we don't do that here." Now, if it hadn't been for the couple that I did not know at our table, I would have simply said "OK, we'll take our $350 elsewhere," but I didn't want to rock the boat.

So...why IS it that some places (or is it a server decision?) refuse to make this (seems to me) very minor accommodation? With computer POS machines it is not difficult. Recently at Chevy's (for crying out loud!) the server asked US if we'd like the bill broken out. WOW! Thank you...extra 5% tip.

As for Mr. "I can't do it", he certainly cut off his own nose, because his tip was definitely reduced.

So...what's the "professional" advice on this?

At 1:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can tell you, as a waiter/bartender myself that splitting checks anymore than three ways is a big pain in the ass. It's not that the POS system is difficult, it's that you still have some other tables to contend with. Especially if they see you at a computer, forget about it--the manager will be hearing about how their waiter was dicking around on the computer while they needed refill on their waters.

Plus some places do make rules regarding separating checks in order to keep it simple for the service staff so they pay more attention to their tables and less to playing on the computer.

But if you just wanted a couple of checks that's pretty lame of the waiter not to try...

I generally accomodate that request up to about four checks, after that fuck you, you figure it out--simply because as it gets more split up, people will bail on their bill. "Oh yeah, I paid!" you'll hear a member of the group say.

Then you're left with exact change for the bill, if not less.

At 1:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great line.

At 6:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love it!!!!

At 12:48 PM , Blogger Sondra said...


At 2:07 PM , Blogger k said...

too funny!
Good for you

At 5:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't forget that when it's busy their are never enough books to go around


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