The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Uh, They Call Me Nova...

"You're always in my fucking way, fucking move!!!"

I look up from the shrimp cocktail I'm putting together.

It's Jess, the resident bitch waitress, Tom, the resident asshole waiter is smirking behind her...

"Excuse me?" go I.

Her eyes narrow into slits,"You always think you're the only one fucking working here! Move!"

She shoves me aside, shrimp and sauce spilling everywhere...

My response?

"Uh, suck me beautiful??"

She explodes, a chorus of fuck you, asshole, son of a bitch yadayadayada.

I walk away, her tirade continues...

I stop in my tracks.

Turn around.

"Why don't you shut the fuck up you stupid bitch!!!"

I roar it acrossed the kitchen.

Tom, Dick, and Harry are starring in disbelief.

I storm out the kitchen doors, trying to figure out how I'm going to face my tables after this whole situation, I put it together and go back to work.

A few minutes pass, the assistant manger, Brett starts screaming at me the minute I enter the kitchen.

She's one of his pet servers, good thing I'm in good with the GM.

He goes off,"What the fuck did you say to her!!! You can't talk to her like that!"

Shit, half the staff is watching.

"Lets go into the office, Mr. Professional." is what comes out of my mouth, the GM is in there, he'll at least listen to what I say.

"Ok," I say calmly,"what did she say happened?"

Brett started first,"She said you've been sexually harassing her, that you've been following her around asking her to blow you off."

"What?!?"

"She says you do it all the time, you could get fired for that you know, that's harassment."

I've never said anything like that to her before. I've never hit on her, and the only thing I ever said to her like that happened five minutes before.

Hell I hated the girl, I'd say as little as possible to her.

And I conveyed that sentiment to the managers.

My GM was understanding, Brett wasn't.

"You're full of shit, that's not what happened."

GM said, "You can't talk like that, I know you weren't trying to harass her, but it gives women ammunition against you when you do."

He was right, in this sensitive society someone with a grudge can use something like this, and be taken seriously.

It all started off as a fight over a two foot space on a counter, it was ok for her to cuss me out and all that, but for me to hit back, she tried to get me fired. Using the greatest weapon a woman has....

Sex...

Hell hath no fury...

25 Comments:

At 8:25 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, she wants you. It's clear.

 
At 9:05 AM , Blogger First Year said...

What a bitch, I hate when people act like that. All you can hope is that one day she'll get hers too.

 
At 10:43 AM , Blogger Nattie said...

the really crap thing is the fact that if you'd said she was harassing you, you'd probably have been laughed at. sexism sucks.

 
At 12:10 PM , Blogger thekeysplaya said...

I understand where you're coming from. I'm female yet I tell my guyfriends that ladies sometimes misuse their 'powers' and guys fall prey to it either by sheer lust or force. Either ways, it's a result of too much power trip, like a double edged sword.

But hey, look on the bright side. There's karma.

Have a good day.

 
At 12:17 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Fuck that bitch. She's probably used to getting her way. Next time you have the opportunity you should fuck with her in a way that she won't know it's you. I LOVE REVENGE! How dare she treat you like that? Sheesh!

 
At 12:56 PM , Blogger Revan said...

what a dumbass... So not right for her to do that to you...


I bet she is doing that Brett... or she is teasing him to get away with that shit...

Hope you day goes better!!

 
At 1:07 PM , Blogger me said...

that's really petty... the only way to beat a bitch is to kill her with kindness. she won't know what to do... i read about that once... (actually... in the latest cosmo... dealing with a bitch. it's aimed towards women but the sentiment is there)...

you gotta put her in her place but in a way that isn't overt.
then when she realises that she doesn't get to you and you aren't intimidated, she won't bother you anymore.

(pick up the cosmo with cameron on the front i believe that's the one... tell the counter chick it's for your girlfriend ;)

 
At 1:42 PM , Blogger Nytro said...

what. a. bitch. next time you ought to accidentally trip her when she's carrying a tray full of food. she can't call sexual harrassment on that.

 
At 1:42 PM , Anonymous erin said...

They're opening a new Texas Steak House in Johnston... maybe you could tell her to go work there. lol

 
At 3:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

She'd never win that case. And I have just one, hyphenated word for you: button-cam :)

 
At 2:31 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's bitches like her that give the rest of bitches a bad name! SussieQ

 
At 8:27 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Or you can always remember that situations like this will teach you your most valuable lessons. As a 20 yr veteran of the industry I have seen men/women of this calibur many many times. Revenge is best served quietly and quickly and always with the knowledge that you served it up with no proof of your involvement.

 
At 9:25 AM , Anonymous p said...

If you wanted to yell at her for being so nasty to you, then "suck me, beautiful" isn't exactly the most sexually neutral choice of words. Stand up for yourself all you want in the face of men and women who are trying to walk all over you, but I think your own words got you in trouble here. If I heard you say that to me, I'd be pissed too. And if I were a manager and heard that you'd said that to one of my employees, I'd also warn you. I don't see how you missed noticing how sexual that insult was. Yeah, you didn't mean anything by it beyond insulting her... but still. Anyway, yeah yeah yeah she sounds like a real douche, nasty and hard to work with. She'll get hers.

 
At 9:28 AM , Anonymous p said...

p.s. "the greatest weapon a woman has. sex."? Thanks a lot for the unfair and unkind generalization. I am more than my sexuality; I've never used sex to get what I want. Sorry this bitch got you down, but you don't have to knock all women because one waitress sucks.

 
At 4:15 PM , Blogger oryoki said...

The proper restaurant lingo is not "get the fuck out of my way" but "excuse me", or "behind you".

Your management would do better to instill clean and clear language in the work place, then everybody could work in a sane peace.

Every action starts with one small step.

 
At 4:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Hell hath no fury..."

Dude, the rest of this saying is "like a woman scorned" and it's an adaptation of a line from the play, The Mourning Bride (1697) by William Congreve.

"Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd/ Nor hell a fury like a woman scorn'd."

You pissed her off by being a dick, not by breaking her heart.

 
At 5:50 PM , Blogger Ruby Lynx said...

Oriyoki, no offense, but "clean language" and "sane" are things which aren't reality in the restaurant business. It helps to have a sense of humor and to know when to pick your battles.

 
At 6:44 PM , Anonymous sarah said...

The thing I really hate about a situation like that is that she's enforcing stereotypical female behavior--and when women enforce the stereotypes, they perpetuate misogyny. It's as though she's given herself license to act horribly just because our culture has already given her permission to do so. But, it's really unfair to you and unfair to women in general, who've been battling sexism for so long. To turn around and use stereotypes in a negative way is to only create more hostility for everyone.

 
At 2:34 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ya, he pissed her off by her telling to get the fuck out of her way and him not getting pushed around. He was a dick because she was a bitch. Two wrongs don't make a right but she was wrong as well, and first according to his story

 
At 9:19 AM , Blogger . said...

Don't ya just hate employees like that? I don't think I could be a waiter, I'd be slamming customers heads into tables on a regular basis and wouldn't last very long in the job.

So well done for sticking it out and good luck with the schooling.

Reading this and the other Blogs by waiters made me appreciate you guys a lot more and I make sure I always tip well.

Ted.

 
At 11:18 AM , Anonymous Erin said...

So I went and saw the movie "Waiting" last night and I thought of you. Your blog was better than the movie... much more interesting. The movie was pretty funny nonetheless.

 
At 11:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

all i can say is what a bitch! All you can hope for is for her to trip in the restaurant when it's ass busy and she makes a complete shcmuck of herself! One of my many fantasies for my evil staff...;o)

a restaurant manager who enjoys your blog!

Selena

 
At 9:58 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i would have commented with a, "so menopause has kicked in early queen of sheba???"
if she was overweight, then, "at least MY diet worked HA"
or if for anything, "i was unaware one had to pay a TOLL to get counterspace here."
Makes me wonder if a gay guy can get away with this though....
doreenT40 at bigredy

 
At 2:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to have to agree with p on this one. Don't get me wrong, it really pisses me off when women (or any particular group of people) cry wolf to take advantage of all the work people in real situations of harrassment have done for their own petty cheapshots. However, "suck me, beautiful" probably wasn't the appropriate retort in any situation, even for cussing someone out. A simple "fuck off" probably would have sufficed, and is a lot weaker ammunition for her. Even if deserved, I'm sure that "suck me, beautiful" would have really upset most female workers, and on levels beyond being mad someone cussed her out. No,it doesn't justify her claim of constant sexual harrassment, but it can get you in deep shit and for good reason. On the same count, physically pushing you is also harassment, and she should be accountable for that too.

 
At 10:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, she pushed you and knocked over your shrimp, you poor thing. That is pretty extreme behavior for a restaurant, mostly I've seen servers yelling at each other or arguing but nothing too physical like that. It's funny because seems at every restaurant there is always at least one server like that, whether it be the head server or just a bitch server. Where I work the now demoted head server was a complete bitch and turned power hungry when she became head server. She was rude, disrespectful, lazy, stole things, cheated the restaurant, would give you the run around on asking for days off, took FOREVER to check your sidework, and cussed in the kitchen to where customers could hear. We got a new GM and he demoted her to server and now she gets a sucky station, has to do sidework, and wear the proper uniform. LOL!

 

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