The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, September 19, 2005

Oh, Are We In Your Way?

Yes, that was the question I was asked as I stumbled out the kitchen double doors, with a tray with six entrees on it...

All I can do is glare at them as I try not to drop a hundred fifty bucks in food...

Somehow a group of eight think standing two feet out of the door is acceptable, but not in my world. I'm sick of people that live life in a tunnel. Seeing only what's in the front of them, their immediate concern.

hanging outside the kitchen door probably isn't the best idea. I've nearly dropped food, spilled more than one glass of soda or wine on my sleeve, had a full tray jammed in my throat.

All because of unobservant people, guests, and yes servers even.

Look around you. If you're hanging out in an isle where many of the staff seem to be, move.

That simple.

Standing at the bar between the brass rail??

Fucking move it!

That's the server station, not an area reserved for the ignorant.

Well, actually it is an area reserved for the ignorant, well because assclowns like you seem to gravitate there.

In the last months at my old place when my patience was gone, I'd ram them Mach 1, and watch them try to scatter.

Not getting the message, they'd be there again next trip.

Mach 2, Bitches.

That area is for me, not you. The reason it is empty is so I can load up on my Strawberry daiquiris, White Zin, or any other crap drink you guys will be ordering when you sit down.

Makes it tough to do when it becomes the most popular hang out spot, my old bartender refused to serve people standing there, and good for him.

I don't care where you go, what kind of wait is on, watch out for your surroundings, people that are serving or staff are there to work, not get stuck in line waiting for you, we'll do plenty of waiting at your table later. Now you're impeding my progress...

At my old restaurant people would line up five deep at that exact area, the worst place possible, in front of the bar and right around a blind corner coming out of the kitchen ally.

That's where it happened...

The incident.

I come trucking out with my tray, abruptly coming to a halt.

"Oh are we in your way?

I glare...

The double door swings back.

Hits my tray.




At 10:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 10:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 3:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once kicked a door out to serve and hit a guy in the was nice.

At 3:38 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll agree that you must be a senseless idiot to stand in front of the kitchen doors. However, a couple of restaurants I go to from time-to-time have the door to the men's room just a few feet from the kitchen doors. So, if the room is occupied, there isn't much option.

On another you EVER enjoy a day of work? If I was as miserable and unhappy as you apparently are from your posts, I'd find another line of work.

At 4:17 PM , Blogger lefty_grrrl said...

Ewww, men's room by the kitchen?

At 4:48 PM , Blogger Martha said...

I agree with annonymous. Even serving can be fast and easy money, it's not worth the hassel if it makes you miserable (which is not an attractive quality).

At 5:08 PM , Anonymous TheInsaneServer said...

Ya, I enjoyed yesterday...

But what fun would it be if I talked about how great my day was?

This is for rants, not touchy feel good posts

At 10:45 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm, the word verification isn't keeping the blog comment spammers at bay... (the 1st two comments)

Great stories - I found you from WaiterRant.

At 11:12 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

man, you have too much anger in you. i hope you land that other gig you are waiting for and this "waitering" thing is just a thing to tide you over till that real gig comes along.

im almost afraid to dine at your restaurant... thinking you might be already be mad at me even before i go through the doors.

too much anger.

At 3:50 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Ewww, men's room by the kitchen? "

Gee, thanks Lefty! I never thought about it like that!!

However, it isn't quite as bad as it sounds...the bathrooms are down a hallway on the left, and the kitchen doors are at the end of the hallway.

Or...I suppose I could modify some graffiti a bit: "Just flush once: the kitchen is pretty close."

At 6:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah... i've bookmarked you and will be back to read, since you don't suck and have some interesting points to consider..

although i do agree with a few above and say that what differs from you, and those you admire/aspire too, is that you certainly are bitter and angry and obviously don't actually enjoy your job.

you are always so angry and frustrated, and really need to get a new line of work, or a new perspective.
there's something to be said in enjoying what you do... as you can see waiterrant loves his job, what he does and people.

you do not.

you either need to realize that people are not inherantly stupid (although do stupid things all the time), evil or just there to piss you off... or get a new gig.

cause this one is gonna kill you if you can't adapt.

sorry to be blunt.

At 8:44 AM , Blogger steph said...

Jeeeez people! The blog title is "Insane Waiter". Its funny! He is ranting.. Its a rant- type blog.

Besides--- do you know anyone who doesn't bitch about their job???

At 3:55 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course everyone bitches about their job from time to time. But this and other waiter blogs do NOTHING BUT bitch.

And, like Anon said, this is more than's deep seeded.

Wanting to clobber someone with a door who is paying your salary is wayyyyy beyond bitching.

At 9:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

If the dumbass wasn't standing within swingin' distance they couldn't get "clobberred" now could they.

Point of post was staff needs to get through the doorway to do their job, you standing like an idiot in the doorway prevents that, and can be dangerous for both customer and staff!

At 8:29 PM , Blogger kleverkloggs said...

There is something about people when they get together, they lose all intelligence and become "the public" and try it on in every imaginable way. If you havn't worked in any of the service industries, you wouldn't understand.

Stories like this let off steam, and enables your servers to still smile.

Greatblog, and I don't have any brilliant cut diamonds or ballpoint pen websites to plug.

At 1:17 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The point of this blog (from what I can tell) is that it's a release for the blogger when he has a bad day or just has something to say.

If he was posting these things daily I might be inclined to agree about finding a new job, but these only seem to be posted once a week at the most.

He may very well have 5 good days at work to every one bad. There's no harm in sitting down and expressing yourself when you have something on your mind. It's certainly better than him causing himself or someone else harm when it's been a really bad day at work. (Not saying he would, just that some people do...blogging is much healthier)

I think this blog is brilliant and an excellent way for him to not only blow off steam but to inform idiots of things they do in restaurants that are annoying or actually causing disruptions for the employees and other patrons.

Besides, have you seen the job market today?

At 9:10 AM , Blogger Waitergripes said...

As a long time server, I love your blog and find so many familiar stories, it amazes me.
As to servers bitching, I don't think most people realize that we barely tolerate them, with a smile. Years ago, when I first started, it wasn't so bad, but people HAVE gotten ruder, more ignorant and their sense of entiltlement has grown out of control. Civility is no longer even expected from our guests (beginning to hate that term, as they'd not be allowed in my home).When we are treated with respect, I will do everthing I can to make sure you remember your evening with us.


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