The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Keep the Change

So its Sunday night, and very slow.

Not much going on other than a couple two tops, and a four top of cute girls, all going to the American Idol "All-Stars" Ha!

Speaking of, I can't believe Kelly Clarkson won a VMA tonight, not because I like her or anything, but I remember three years ago watching the finals, with my ex in my arms, tear...

Seems like just yesterday, sigh.

Well enough of the sentimentality, its time for a rant!

So its a slow and not stormy night.

One of my two tops is hanging out, and its a quality table.

Bottle of mid-level wine, a steak and a seafood entree.

$98 Tab at the moment.

I stop by for a dessert check and their all set to go, I drop the check and go about my business.

A few moments pass and I return, I see a couple of dead presidents peeking out of the checkbook.

Jackson and Benjamin.

(Yes nitpickers I know Benjamin isn't one)

I pop over and say, "Can I run that up for you sir?"

"Sure, keep the change, everything was wonderful," the gentleman says with a smile.

I thank him of course and start away, and am abruptly stopped by the lady.

"Waiter! What is that young lady drinking over there?"

"A chocolate martini Ma'am"

"Ooooooooh! May I have one of those? Honey?" She pleads with her husband.

Shit, he's gonna crack.

"Well why not," is the answer.

I hesitantly put the server book back down.

I get her drink and as I drop it off ask if there will be anything else. The gentleman say no, and I drop off their new billing statement.

They camp out for a little bit and after I roll some silverware I return to the table.

They are both gone.

I pick up the tab.

The same amount of money is in it.

The bill is SEVEN BUCKS more!

Fuck!

I just paid for HER drink out of my tip.

And it was a good tip, now turned to a shitty one, all because it would take too much effort to reach two feet for their freakin wallet!

It's Horseshit!!!

Cheap fucks.

14 Comments:

At 4:37 PM , Blogger Carl from L.A. said...

Found your blog through waiterrant. I waited tables in a Bistro-like restaurant for a couple of years so I could completely understand your point of view. What gets to me, here and back in the restaurant, are people who think just because they patronize a "service establishment" that they are always right and they can tip whatever amount they please.

Very nice blog. Thank you.

 
At 3:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wondering, did you appear as a guest blogger on waiterrant? there is an entry there exactly as this one here -- or is waiterrant appearing as your guest blogger?

 
At 7:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, why didn't you just pocket your tip and ring up a new check for the guy? You were just asking to get ripped off...

 
At 3:16 AM , Anonymous TheInsaneServer said...

Yes, I was, but I figured it may be improper to grap up their tab without approval, I'm an asshole, but not a complete one.

 
At 7:12 PM , Anonymous Herbie said...

I'm sorry but I've worked in restaurants and I just can't imagine sniveling at a fifteen dollar tip.... to state that you just paid for this woman's drink... I mean like big deal, so you bought her a drink, so what? perhaps I'm missing something but with my bachelor's degree from the univ. of oregon firmly tucked in my back pocket, I make less than seven dollars an hour these days.... and I maintain a website for free that sports some of the best prose in america.... perhaps I just don't bitch enough, perhaps I'd go more places if I just whined more... http://herboverstreet.com is where it's at.

 
At 2:23 AM , Blogger Secret said...

Wow, ure an ass, too bad I make more jockying tanles with no degree than you do with a diploma in your pocket, even better I make more without WHILE going to school. Get a job where you make more than MceD's...

 
At 2:25 AM , Anonymous TheInsaneWaiter said...

Well I don't snivvle at a 15 dollar tip, just it shoulf have been a 22 dollar tip due to the original intent. I'm sorry if I expect a proper tip from exeptional service.

The drink was taken out of my tip??? Anyone who is a real server disagree?

 
At 9:38 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why not just give her the drink for free and keep the whole tip? Servers and restaurants are guilty of not "taking care" of good customers, a nice free drink at the end of the meal could have earned you an additional $5 and the whole thing would have only cost you $2 and maybe you could have made more $. You catch more flies with honey.

 
At 3:44 AM , Anonymous TheInsaneServer said...

Well she wasn't a preffered customer, as a server I have no ability to give away drinks, especially at a new place.

When I was a bartender I had the authority to do what I wanted. The original tip was 22$, it was cut down to $15. When bartending it came out of cost, not my own pocket.

 
At 12:05 PM , Blogger The Server said...

That's theft, plain and simple. Not only did you pay for her drink, but you also paid the bartender for making that drink. I know at the place I work, we tip out based on alcohol sales.

Next time, take the money and then pay the woman $7.21 to kick you in the nuts. You'll feel better.

 
At 7:01 PM , Anonymous Susan Carley Oliver said...

Wow, how bizarre. Does this happen a lot? If so, it might be possible to graciously
1 - pickup up checkbook
2 - remove cash and place in front of the person paying
3 - explain that's the policy when the tab changes
4 - retally the tab and return it

So the guy would be forced to deal with it, y'know?

 
At 11:48 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

god bless you for saying what we all know is true "cheap fucks"

 
At 11:48 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

god bless you for saying what we all know is true "cheap fucks"

 
At 1:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should've called the cops on them. You have no proof that ther little dine-and-dash was accidental; even if they didn't mean it, they stole from your restaraunt.

 

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