Murphy's Law

Whatever can go wrong will go wrong...

A horribly dead Saturday nite, I'm holding my own and good tips off the few tables I've had.

Well I have a ten top reservation coming in at 7:30

It's getting close to eight, I go up front to see what the story is.

"Well the party is only seven now, they're late." Is the excuse my doe-eyed hostess gives me.

Just then I see four early twenty-something girls dressed in pink, with pink boas and princess crowns.

Whatever can go wrong will go wrong.

Ridiculous...

It's a bachelorette party.

"Well they're cute and your gonna leave you a great tip," Goes the hostess as she sees the look of horror cross my face.

"No they won't"

Then she said,"Well they'll drink a lot won't they??"

"No"

I've been here to many times before to think differently.

The dream of a great ten top with 20% Auto-grat and a $400 bill dissolves into the darkness of my mind.

As I go up to the table with a great big fake smile the head cheerleader spurts out," She's getting married next week!!"

Fake smile still intact "That's wonderful"

Then their missing three friends show up.

Older cousins I think, once beautiful, now just old. I see they still think they have it, I'm telling you they're grasping at straws.

They act accordingly, ordering a bottle of our cheapest chardonnay, for seven of them. (at least its not the white zin)

After the wine presentation I go into my specials spiel, they ignore me and chatter amongst themselves.

Everyone then proceeds to order the cheapest dishes we offer, splitting each item with their friend, no upsells, no salads, just the most mundane and risk free entrees they can think of.

I know I'm screwed.

I hustle and bustle around my section, delivering food, taking orders and the like.

Their food comes out ok and as I do my check back I see that the half a glass of wine that each of them were drinking are all pretty much killed.

"Would you like another bottle?"

Nervous giggles...

Well how much is it again?

"20 bucks"

"Oh I don't know," is the reply.

"Alright then I'll check back in a bit."

A bit comes and goes, no dessert which is just as well, I just want them out.

They ask for split checks of course and I go back to pick them up...

"Keep the change"

Ya, more on that in a minute.

Next bill comes and it has two credit cards and a twenty in it.

If they wanted me to split them up individually that could have been amended earlier

Well with a "twenty on this ten on that," I head to the kitchen and run their cards.

I also open the "keep the change book"

$58 tab

There is sixty bucks in there, I almost shit myself.

As I drop their card off I give a sarcastic smile to the woman that paid...

"Why thank you!"

She just looks at me.

Thank God they're leaving...

I pick up the three way payment.

Four bucks and change on a fifty dollar tab

They take up and an hour and a half of my time, don't bother to change their reservation, hold two of my four tops an hour before they arrive, all for six bucks on a hundred dollar check.

and I have to give half of that to the busser and bartender as tipout...

That leaves me with 3 bucks.

There goes my $200 night.

Easily the worst tip I've had in the last month, maybe longer.

Murphy's law...

It happens to us all.