The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Thursday, September 29, 2005

In Addo


With all regards to clamchowder...

As servers in general, in a pinch we don't care if you get regular or decaf. It may seem CRUEL or UNCARING, but it is what it is.

If I'm getting my ass handed to me, and it'll take 5-10 minutes for our huge machine to brew, you're going to get whatever's handy. Because we don't care. Not that much anyways.

Yes its selfish, but so is the look of disdain we often get when we inform you of the time you'll have to wait.

If I really like you, I'll brew a new batch...

Because you are understanding.

But I've had too many people like the ones in the aforementioned column to put in much of an effort, for a cup of coffee.

The other day I had someone go off on me for the price of the coffee.

A Buck Seventy Five.

He remembers when it was thirty-five cents...

I asked him how many refills he'd had.

He said four, kids according to my calculations that's $.43 a cup, not bad considering inflation.

His claim was it is ridiculous, that at Quick Trip it's only charge $.59 for a "big cup"

That may be true, but if you run out of coffee, and at the next corner is a QT, I doubt that you can walk in for a free one...

Try going to Starbucks, have fun paying three bucks for an 8oz. "Tall"

Until next time caffeine freaks!

The Insane Server

21 Comments:

At 1:51 AM , Blogger black or crippled ? said...

Your last name is Howe? You also work at a upscale eatery? Would your supervisors want to see this blog with the proof of who you are?



JUST CURIOUS

 
At 2:57 AM , Anonymous The Insane Waiter said...

Probably not...

But at the same time this is America, I have freedom of speech last time I checked, and what is more American than bitching about work.

I have not used any real names, amounts, or personal information of people, past or present.

I suppose you are an ex-manager of mine and stumbled across this somehow...

If you know where I work and want to threaten me because of some vendetta that's your choice. If you've read this blog, you would know I have nothing but kind words for my current managers and owners.

So do what you must...

The Insane Waiter

 
At 3:32 AM , Blogger oryoki said...

that's all right, we charge 2 bucks for a cup

never heard anyone speak up about that

i'm always ready to brew a fresh pot, no skin off my nose, let them wait, nothing like fresh.

and what's up with "black or crippled" is he just being a jerk, get a life ho

 
At 11:51 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there a Waiter's Bill of Rights
and/or a Diner's Bill of Rights?
It seems like a lot of this is arguing about the rules
Common courtesy has broken down in part because people have lost a lot of the ability to communicate gracefully.
I don't like to take advantage of others, I don't like to be taken advantage of.
How do we do the dance of expectation and imagination without getting the dark side invoked?
Maybe a Bill of Rights would be a good start

 
At 1:44 PM , Anonymous anj said...

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Doesnt seem to hard to figure out to me. Some people just need a reason to bitch.

 
At 3:14 PM , Blogger Secret said...

Also Black or Crippled, or Derek as it is, you may be aware that as a manager of a former employer of mine, you have certain ethics as well. In fact legal obligations. It is highly illegal for a former employer to call the business of a former employee and give libelous statements. Especially if it is meant to do harm, or perhaps terminate my employment. Give that some thought given as you were kind enough to put your URL link on my page. I'm sure the Labor Dept, Better Business Bureau, or my lawyer would be interested in anything you would have to say to my current employer...

The Insane Waiter

 
At 3:25 PM , Blogger PenelopeFey said...

youre right about the bitchin.

1st: resort to cliche: treat others how u want to be treated. didn't insane waiter say if he likes he'll get you a fresh pot? do you really think he'll flake dandruff on your steak if you're civil to him?
I DON'T THINK SO.
think karma.

2nd: Everyone bitches.Everyone is constantly being does wrong in this system in some form, so we all have the right to bitch. It's all about the manner and tone you take upon doing your bitchin. There's the bitter, and there's the casual conversation...
Those who lose their cool thinking they should be the exception deserve a reason to stay bitter.

Common courtesy indeed has broken down, but some of us still practice it in public, especially in the service industry, then bitch on our own time. I would say that's graceful.

 
At 7:21 PM , Blogger Denise said...

Personally, if I have a six top and four order regular while two order decaf, they're all getting decaf. This is mainly due to laziness on my part.

I'm one of those with hyper-allergies to certain foods, so even if someone doesn't say they are allergic, I assume thay might be.

I also give decaf to rude people who ask for regular. That way I'm not giving them what they asked for without potentially harming them.

 
At 8:09 AM , Anonymous MiamiNice said...

What is up with Black or Crippled? You would think some type of actual law was broken here. If filling up your time with threats at 1:51am is how your spending your time, that is sad. Aren't there more important things going on - if not in your life - then in the world that you could put your energy into. People like you are just pathetic.

 
At 3:16 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww cute. I never worked in a coffee house or eatery so I am sorry with that no legal action can be taken. It was cute though. It was cute too see all the replys it got. Really though, your not too smart on how your marketed your blog. Anywho, all you "pro bloggers" im sure you are all servers and your anus is very sore from the meat locker fun you servers have on your breaks, but just put yourself in the customers shoes.... or dont and be a anal (no pun) gay man who will pretend to be Ally McBeal online. I know you envy her body haha

 
At 3:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well you certainly are cute, being the ally mcbeal body you have. Common, 1997 wants their diss back. Anyways I'm sure that you're one of my sister's critics as well then. Have fun getting me fired...

TheInsaneWaiter

 
At 11:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay, for real....




it's sooo not about someone trying to get your fired.

it's more about what you are willing to do when you're inconvienced with a customer request, and you're busy, have other ordres to fill, things on your mind and have new tables to wait on...
...all while being in **the customer** business.

i think you're way off base.

i don't think you represent the majority of people who are servers that are happy to be servers.

it's not only about enjoying what you do.

it's also about recognizing the inherant nobility that is associated with the act of serving...
which you obviously don't have.


you've already stated that you wouldn't do this job if the pay wasn't what it was for the work involoved.


ever contemplate those that would??

there are real servers out there, who actually enjoy people. who take the bad with the good, and recognize their own responsibility when they DECIDE they are going to serve the public.

it was a conscience choice you made, to be in the line of work you are..
sure the hours are crap, and sometimes the tips are shit.

but let me tell you honestly...

you are in the WRONG line of work.

you sully what i do, day in and day out, with your views and perspective and complete wrongness.

get a new job.

 
At 11:34 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't read the blog then

 
At 4:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You going to throw out any Titanic jokes while your at it? closet case server... anyways who is your sister? Does she know about your secret?

 
At 2:45 PM , Blogger me said...

uh... man. i guess servers are supposed to just LOVE their jobs. just absolutely LOVE. EVERY. LITTLE. THING. ABOUT. IT... no matter if you have a hard day or not.

serving is like every other job. everyone does something at some point. you got some folks on some HIGH HORSES commenting here.

at my job... they didn't even HAVE decaf. and it was a bottomless cup for $1.35. then we hiked it up to $1.50. they still complained although they spend an hour and a half in the back smoking it up and getting their cups refilled... while the non-smoking customers have to wait for a table

it's circular reasoning but at least you know this Insane Waiter, you've got people behind you because there is no server on this green earth that can say they've gone through their professional serving career without once doing something a little unsavory... no matter how much they like the customers ;)

 
At 1:24 AM , Blogger 00goddess said...

I think this is pretty shitty (and not only have I worked in restaurants, but I've worked in coffee shops and retail as well.) Entitlement shmitlement: she is the customer, you are the waiter, and she IS entitled to what she's paying for. YOu could have told her how long it would take to make decaf, andseen how she would react.

You also seem unaware that espresso has less caffeine than regular coffee; some waiter.

 
At 8:05 AM , Blogger me said...

ok MOST servers on this green earth understand... :)

 
At 2:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

um not ok. I absolutely can't have regular coffee. I become violently ill. the shakes, the bathroom, then a narcoleptic fit... some people with heart conditions can't have regular either. are you trying to kill customers?

 
At 3:43 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

pretty much

 
At 11:06 AM , Blogger KFarmer said...

I think your blog is hilarious. I have sat at my desk and read every single word you have written. You are priceless.

What really amazes me is the depth of people’s rudeness (at your job and comment section) and at the seemingly bottomless pit of venom some spew at you. How you manage to find humor amongst all the tripe and dribble you live with amazes me as well.

Know what I found to be true? If I walk into a restaurant and am pleasant, patient and understanding, I get excellent service. Imagine that?

 
At 4:28 PM , Anonymous Sarah said...

When I first started reading this blog I appreciated a lot of what you had to say as I was a waitress for severl years.

Now that I have made my way back through most of the archives I am finding most of your blog entries whiny and pathetic. The one I just read "Decaf It Is!", being the proverbial straw.

"If I really like you, I'll brew a new batch..." What?? Who the hell are you? If a customer wants (AND IS PAYING FOR!) decaf or fresh coffee then they should bloody well get decaf and fresh coffee!! Just because your a jaded "server" who hates their job (and who should get the fuck out of the business), who are you to decide what they get? They are PAYING for their meal and beverages! If you can't handle the job without being a prick, that's YOUR problem.

TAKE SOME FUCKING PRIDE IN YOUR WORK OR GET THE FUCK OUT YOU LOSER!

 

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