The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Sunday, October 02, 2005

A Helping Hand...

So its Saturday afternoon, not much going on, the rush is in an hour or so when a couple tables start to trickle in.

One of them is an absolutely gorgeous Asian girl and her spindly WASP boyfriend. Both are in their early 20's, maybe late teens.

He pulls up in a 60k BMW...

Wonder how this relationship came about.

Well of course I sat them in my section, after all I'm a guy and she's, well hot!

I take their drink order and return, they've become the "Same Siders"

Or for those who are idiots, that's Server Speak for those who sit on the same side.

(I know there are many civilians that read this)

The girl is wearing a low cut shirt and skirt combo, great view...

As I try to not leer like a drunken monk at an alterboy ceromony, I notice where he hand is, moving up his thigh as she I take her order.

Damn, she has that fuck me look on her face.

I may have had to pay for it, but I've seen that look a couple times myself.

I wander off, trying to shake that image from my mind, after all I have the very serious business of waiting tables at hand.

I come back over to drop off their side salads, I notice his linen napkin is conveniently over his crotch, and her hand is sliding back in forth under it.

He blushes...

She has the deadly look of a woman with a mission on her face.

Shit, now I'm getting hot under the collar.

Their food arrives with my perhaps quickened, usual punctuality.

Her face is flushed, she's breathing heavy...

The linen has switched places, he skirt is shifted up her curvey thigh, and he's wrist deep by damn!

I nearly shit myself, but my usual poise takes hold.

A few minutes later Alyssa, one of my comrades comes up to me.

"Oh my God! Did you just see that girl go into the Men's room?!?!"

I run over to my table, they're both gone.

A million dirty, nasty thoughts run through my mind, and I'm pretty sure for once they're coming true.

Me and Alyssa run into the Men's room.

Now our stalls are large and have a full door, very private.

Not private enough.

We hear a girl in the midst of ecstasy.

Damn, I look Alyssa in the eye, she's looking pretty good right now.

But shit, I can't think that way now, after all, there's a crisis at hand!

Maybe later...

A sneaky grin crosses her face however.

BANG BANG BANG!!!!

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN THERE!?!?!?" Alyssa roars.

And with that, we're off faster than a used condom at a bachelor party.

7 Comments:

At 3:43 AM , Anonymous Luv said...

Hahaaa. That was great!

 
At 3:45 PM , Blogger Wendebular said...

Oh my God! The same thing happened in my section on Friday night! Except not so much with the at-the-table action, and they were far too old for that sort of behaviour. Worst thing is, they kept their food waiting at the hot line (the nerve!!).

Full story here.

Must have been a weekend for "using the facilities"!

 
At 9:06 PM , Blogger Stu said...

Bahahahahaha that was so mean to bang the stall, nah fuck em hehehehe

 
At 8:22 AM , Blogger First Year said...

Thats great! I wish I had more fun coworkers when I was a server :)Too bad the door was locked, that would be a funny "mistake".

 
At 11:08 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I notice where he hand is, moving up his thigh as she I take her order."

Typing with one hand?? ;-)

 
At 11:03 AM , Blogger Viviane said...

This was so good, I included it in the sex blog roundup on Fleshbot.

 
At 11:22 AM , Blogger Kathleen said...

My goodness, why didn't they just have sex in the car before they came in for dinner?

 

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