The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Nickel and Dimed

So I had your basic table of cubicle ladies today.

That's the next restaurant species, "the cubicle people"

Anyways, after splitting their $7.29 bills that they each pay with a twenty that breaks my complete bank with one well swoop I drop off their change.

Its pretty busy so I pick up the check folders on the fly and about a buck fifty in nickels, dimes and pennies goes flying all over the floor.

I scrambled to pick up what I could as waiters and customers crowd past me.

After getting most of the loose change I sloooooooowly open the other check folders...

Sure enough each one contained about a dozen nickels, a smattering if dimes and plenty of our little copper friends.

So I jam about five bucks in loose change in my apron pocket, not even 10%, nice...

Slowly my right pocket pulls toward the ground as I maneuver around my station.

As I keep up with the lunch rush I keep hiking up the apron as it continually slips.

It even comes undone a few times, not the most convenient thing to have happen with a tray load of drinks or a handful of food.

All the jiggling in my pocket was getting a bit old.

Reaching the computer station I catch my apron from falling off again and dump all the change on the counter.

I really don't need that kind of tip, I pick all the quarters and a few dimes out and walk off.

Guess its give a penny take a penny time for the rest of the wait staff.
At the computer station I reach into my pocket


At 7:08 AM , Blogger Jen said...

My table waves frantically "We're ready to pay!"
The checkbook is sitting on the table..I pick it up and pennies go flying everywhere! "Oh, that's your tip!" the stupid bitch says watching the pennies roll everywhere. My first instinct is to pick them up butI just look at the pennies, shrug my shoulders and say "I don't need those", while the table stares at me.
CHANGE DOES NOT COUNT AS A TIP. (Unless it's a roll of least that's $10 and can be used for laundry)

At 8:43 AM , Blogger Andrew Leonard said...

hahaha... I just wrote about this phenomenon the other day in my blog. Check it out:

At 12:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

somebody left me 26 cents last night.

i knew it would be a crap tip when one of the ghetto girls said she would be paying for both of them, and had imposed a spending limit on the other one (and the other one promptly spent more than her allotted 10 bucks).


glad you're back!

At 12:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

somebody left me 26 cents last night.

i knew it would be a crap tip when one of the ghetto girls said she would be paying for both of them, and had imposed a spending limit on the other one (and the other one promptly spent more than her allotted 10 bucks).


glad you're back!

At 3:40 PM , Anonymous Eustacia Vye said...

A lot of people think that leaving coin tips are an insult, and they are... except it's quarters.

I always loved getting a $4 tip in quarters. "Hell yeah, there's a week's worth of laundry!"

At 4:45 PM , Blogger Chance said...

Glad you haven't hung up the blog. I really enjoy reading you, and hope this serves as a vent for your frustrations. Those customers are ASS----S! Just remember, there are plenty of us out there who routinely tip 20%, and consider 15% punishment for poor service.

At 12:50 AM , Blogger server in da burgh said...

I prefer not to deal with coins. (although I do consider quarters serious currency i.e. parking, laundry, etc) I often round down the check and "eat" the change.

I also find rounders to be amusing too. you know, the people who insist on making the total bill an even number. Like your checking account will ever be an even number.

Speaking of nickel and diming, how about the ever-growing practice by restaurant owners to pass on the cost of credit card transactions to their servers by making them pay a percentage of their tips to cover the fee.

At 10:56 AM , Anonymous Another anon said...

So, now you're too good for just *any* legal tender, it must be in your preferred form? Next, I suppose, you will be requiring paper currency in sequential serial numbers.

At 3:12 PM , Blogger Big Tasty said...

I had a girl and her father sit at a table once, they paid with normal money. However, when I walked by the table--much to my dismay--the eight or ten year old daughter is laboriously stacking dimes, nickles, pennies, and a couple of quarters...

It came out to ten percent, I think, and I made a funny jingling sound when I walked around the restaurant.

Sorry, anon, you probably haven't worked any sort of cashier job if that's your opinion. After twelve years in various industries dealing in money, I've always hated too much change. It's inconvenient for the cashier and ends up slowing service to the other guests in short it's just rude.


At 7:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

People using change can benefit a person at times.

My wife works a part-time job in addition to her regular job, and she had a table one night with a bunch of change left on the table as her tip.

The guy evidently didn't watch what kind of change he was leaving and assumed that it was quarters. It wasn't quarters, it was silver dollars.

My wife had a $35 tip on a ten dollar bill.

At 8:37 AM , Anonymous another anon said...

BT, I apologize. It's been a few years since I had to deal with cash/customers. I guess I forgot that customers exist at the conveience of the business, not the other way around. Silly me.

At 10:33 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to leave just paper tips from now on. If I figure the tip to be $2.80, I'll just leave the $2 and keep the rest. You don't want those dimes, nickels or quarters but I don't have the luxury of refusing good money.

At 11:05 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well server in da burgh, you find "rounders" amusing eh?

I find it amusing that you are too ignorant to know that credit card companies recommend doing that so you can easily spot fraudulent charges.

If I knew where you worked, I'd make sure my tip was not rounded up, as I always do.

The one commenter was're getting pretty damn particular about your tip when you bitch about how someone rounds the credit card amount. I'm sure your service mirrors your snotty attitude.

At 3:51 PM , Anonymous dimebag said...

OK, I get it, we write our own ending - here goes:

so you reach into your pocket and...start yanking furiously, thinking about bending one of the cubicle ladies over a chair...she begs for her nickels back, "No way bitch, not 'til I'm done!"

sorry, I got a little carried away.

At 4:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK dickheads, next time you go to a strip joint try tipping with quarters, see how fast you get a spike heel shoved up your ass!

At 5:12 PM , Anonymous stripper tipper said...

I've seen strippers tipped with change. They make a big deal out of getting irate, throwing the coins and screaming. Then, when they think nobody is watching, they go collect the money.

At 11:45 PM , Blogger server in da burgh said...

Hey anonymous,

Here's some more "ignorant" people you can whine to:

By the way, I get more positive comment cards than anyone I work with. I've also been the only server to score a 100% with a mystery shopper service.

if by "snotty" you mean excellent, then I accept your compliment.

At 11:49 PM , Blogger server in da burgh said...

Hey Anonymous,

One more thing. If you came into my restaurant, I wouldn't wait on you.

At 12:12 AM , Blogger server in da burgh said...

Hey anonymous,

not a single word about rounding...

At 10:42 AM , Blogger Palema said...

My wife had a $35 tip on a ten dollar bill.
So the tipper thought he was leaving $8.75 on a $10 bill? Still not bad- sounds like he just won big at a casino! Was this in Atlantic City? Reno? Ledyard, CT?


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