The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Love, Lost

Sometimes you lose in life...

It seems sometimes like I lose often.

And usually its me who throws the game.

I'm almost used to it, I expect it, I know I'll do it.

And I almost hate myself for it.

What is it about me that wants to push people away?

Why must I look for faults in others when my own are so glaring?

And why must I realize them, my faults, my issues, only when it is too late?

I've lost something this week that was so special to me, and I never let her know why.

Maybe it was her silly laugh, her beautiful big round eyes, her arms around me when life seemed darkest...

Maybe it was they way she made me feel.

But that isn't love, the way one makes you feel, maybe someday I'll finally figure that out in time.

It's how you make them feel, what you give, not what you take, what you expect.

I didn't give enough, I didn't understand her and I was afraid.

Of permanence?

Of compromise?

Of sacrifice?

Yes, yes and yes.

A long ago girl once told a friend of mine, "Why can't he believe that some one can care about him?"

I wish I knew that answer.

I wish I believed someone did...

I wrote that a month ago, after a difficult break of a special relationship. It's hard to let go sometimes and easier to have a heart turn cold. But there she remains, like a glimmer on the waves, land just in sight, but only just.

Someday she'll fade like the others and I don't know if that should make me happy or sad.

I wish for the coldness sometimes.

I'm relieved when it doesn't come...

7 Comments:

At 8:13 AM , Blogger First Year said...

Sorry waiter...most of us have been there :(

Hope you're feeling better soon. :)

 
At 8:13 AM , Blogger First Year said...

Sorry waiter...most of us have been there :(

Hope you're feeling better soon. :)

 
At 8:53 AM , Anonymous Kathy said...

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Feel Better. Everything happens for a reason.

 
At 3:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waiter- I can only wonder if you're writing this blog today in the hopes that said girl will read it and the two of you will reconcile. it seems in hindsight we portray our ex lovers as either saints or sinners, no inbetween, thereby allowing us to grieve not for the relationship in all of it's flaws, but for our mishaps or their problems. This too shall pass, but rather than continue to consider yourself as having an innate fear of commitment, you should figure out what it is that you are looking for in a partner-not what a partner is looking for in you.

 
At 3:24 PM , Blogger irishlucky said...

How do you know how I feel? Have you read my mind? Have I left my journal out in the open, where anyone can read it? One month ago for you describes me perfectly right now.
"This too shall pass."? What is that about? It won't pass. Maybe it will fade with time, but it won't -- it can't -- go away. Why do people say that? Like I'm sick, and it's just a matter of time, of taking the right combination of medicines, or thinking the right thoughts, or doing the right things until I'm "better"? I don't want to be "better" if it means being without feeling. And if I am without feeling, what am I but a heartless stone?

 
At 9:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well. . .I'm reading this a month after we've broken up and I just have to say that I'm sorry and I will always love you.

 
At 5:34 PM , Blogger briliantdonkey said...

sorry for your pain, that sucks.
I won't bore you with "it'll get better in time's" cause when you are going through such things it surely doesn't feel like it. I also won't bore you with "weve all been there's" cause while misery may love company, having that kind of company does us no good at all.

Just keep your head up, and dont be too macho or stubborn to lean on those around you when you need it.

take care,

INKcogKNEEdough

 

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