The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, April 02, 2007

Small Victories

Well in life we all have our small victories. I have been back at my old restaurant following the debacle at the bistro where the owner felt that he deserved a slice of the tips.

I made that decision for the simple fact that if I trained at another restaurant for another week I would lose pretty much a full month's income and I don't think my landlord would take to kindly to that one, plus I had just dropped $600 on textbooks and for some of us of the proliterate class that can be a bit of a hit.

Initially I was just going to work the holidays and move on, but there has been a few developments along the way.

Mostly the loss if about 50% of the staff.

That being so there were fewer top servers left as the winter rush picked up and that meant more money for me and a few others that had managed not to get fired or decided to move on.

The one real issue for me upon my return was the fact that the general manager, who was a corporate yes man in the highest sense, had brought the chain restaurant notion of small sections that theoretically would lessen guest complaints and such.

Well that theory in my eyes is just that, a theory, while the reduction of my section by 15% is more a bit of reality.

So several of us were on a campaign to human resources and the other new assistant managers to improve section sizes to what they were for four years, because although our new GM had been there for three weeks, he apparently had a better idea of what changes needed to be made than, oh say the entire staff, other managers, owners and anyone with a nervous system.

So for several months we went on with smaller sections and weaker servers to fill them. The staff we had to replace was pretty much the best one I have ever worked with, their replacements belonged at the Olive Garden.

Well, weeks of bitching, complaining and a few talks to one of our restaurant's owners payed off.

"How come your section sizes are so small?" He asked me on one occasion.

I was sure to let him know my opinion, one that he brought up in a management staff meeting, he was concerned about our lack of tables and its effect on our incomes. That can be a true rarity in this business.

So the next week the GM gave us some BS story about how impressed he was about how we handled the holiday rush and such so he was going to enlarge the sections. Like it was his idea, really it was the efforts of the service staff and our protest above his head that did it.

Personally I think it would have been better if we just kept our strong staff and those capable of being proficient servers instead of hiring sub-par staff, but that's just one man's opinion.

Irregardless we won, and the only good part about this whole deal is there are few servers that they feel can handle the largest sections and large parties, apparently I am one of them.

So I guess every cloud has a silver lining, and in this one I am cashing in on the inexperience of the staff with a larger section than they can handle and first pick on large groups.

Damn, it make it hard to quit, I think I might make this work for the moment.


At 1:49 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your stories but "irregardeless" isn't a word!

At 3:05 AM , Blogger Secret said...

Despite some controvesy, it is in the dictionary.

At 7:35 AM , Blogger China Doll said...

"Irregardless" is not a word.

At 9:07 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That word may be in the dictionary, but "proliterate" sure as hell isn't. This whole story could be used by textbook publishers as an example of execrable writing. It's really sad to think that you represent contemporary college students.

Oh, and congratulations on winning that struggle with your manager.

At 1:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

some damn fine servers work at the olive garden, mind you. there's something to be said for job security and health benefits.

At 1:50 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...


"Usage Note: Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so."

At 3:16 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Webster's New World Dictionary of the American Language is more succinct: "substandard or humorous redundancy for REGARDLESS".

Oh, if that were the biggest flaw in Secret's style.

At 8:56 PM , Blogger waitress said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 8:59 PM , Blogger waitress said...

Who the fuck do you people think you are?

REGARDLESS of whether "irregardless" or "proliterate" are legit words, this man is not concerned; nor is it the point of the story. If you don't like it-- STOP READING HIS BLOG!

And for GOD'S SAKE if you want to slam someone in the comments, stop being such a fucking PUSSY (is that a real word?) and sign something other than anonymous!

You people disgust me. Get a fucking life and get over yourselves.

At 7:24 AM , Blogger China Doll said...

Jeez. I don't know about the "anonymous" posters, but I didn't mean any harm. I made the comment, then read the others above mine and saw that someone else already pointed it out, no big deal. Relax.

At 9:02 AM , Blogger waitress said...

Where do you come from thinking that it's ok to point out flaws in other people's writing? What were you thinking deciding that you were going to put yourself on a different level than everyone else, basically claiming to be better than everyone?

Just read the blogs, if someone mispells something or uses improper english-- LET IT GO! no need to point it out in an effert to let everyone know how fucking smart you are.

I don't like people who act like they're better than everyone else.

At 9:26 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember this?

"Well here I am. I've been inspired by such intrepid bloggers as the Wait Errant and can't forget the Bitter Waitress. I have a thousand tales, some old and some new... Hang on for the ride and see if you fit the profile for our jihad here. Managers, Owner..."

Old promises left unfulfilled. Comparing himself to other bloggers who can actually write. Secret deserves every negative comment he gets.

At 12:19 PM , Blogger waitress said...

Why does he deserve it? He never said "i'm just as good as all these other bloggers..."

He simple referred to them as "inspiration," meaning they caused him to start his own blog.

Again, I may ask, who the fuck do you think you are?

I bet you're middle management, "yes" man who has to kiss ass from the boss all day which makes you (undeniably so) harbor feelings of worthlessness and resentment (also possibly due to a lack of "sexual prowesness," if you may); which then leads you to take out your frustrations on innocent bloggers.

You disgust me. Go kill yourself, okay?

At 2:18 PM , Blogger 6th Floor blog said...

It amazes me how people can get upset over words and grammar. Especially in this case where it's simply a common word that some snooty word critics think is redundant. What about flammable and inflammable? Isn't it the same thing?

Irregardless of your opinion, it's His blog, and He can post however He feels. Especially since a weblog isn't really considered a 'formal style'.

What annoys me about this, is that based on previous comment counts on posts, some of you seem to be only posting to mock the grammar, and don't comment on anything else.

If you understand the point of the sentence/paragraph, then the grammar is irrelevant.

At 5:27 PM , Anonymous Me said...

Interesting. The folks who made comments about "irregardless" did so rather politely.

So, Waitress, let me ask you: Who the fuck do YOU think you are?

I'll tell you who I am: I am a person who appreciates people pointing our errors so that I can correct them. Others don't. Fine.

You don't have to be me! So, pleas fuck off...and take a Valium for Christ sake.

At 5:50 PM , Blogger waitress said...

Oh yes, insulting people and telling them they deserve it is so damn polite.

PS- please is spelled with an E at the end, since you enjoy other people pointing out your errors.

As for who I think I am:
better than you.

At 5:52 PM , Blogger waitress said...

As per why I became so irate you should check out his last post and the comments. Again, they're very insulting, and I don't like people who insult my friends.

At 11:08 PM , Blogger Lizabeth said...

waitress...i love you and the courage of your convictions.

ultimately, i think you would agree with the emerson quote, "consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds". it may not match exactly, but a similar intention is implied when i assume that the people who spend their time finding error and enjoyment with type-os in the blogs they spend their FREE-TIME reading are most likely not the most creative and free thinking lot.

being a great speller is indicative only of having good attention to detail, it is not indicative of being particularly visionary.

At 9:07 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great to see the porn police caught up to you. FINALLY something with some thought.

As always
Thom and J.P.

At 7:40 PM , Blogger Secret said...

"Well here I am. I've been inspired by such intrepid bloggers as the Wait Errant and can't forget the Bitter Waitress. I have a thousand tales, some old and some new... Hang on for the ride and see if you fit the profile for our jihad here. Managers, Owner..."

Old promises left unfulfilled. Comparing himself to other bloggers who can actually write. Secret deserves every negative comment he gets."

-Oh I just love this, I don't often resort to plain good ole fashioned name calling, but you are a fucking idiot. This is a blog and I'm sure your skills at googling my archives come in handy when searching for moose porn, but really.

Promises unfullfilled? I'm not aware I ever made any. True I read waiter rant, but I never have compared myself to him, I'm more on the lines of my friends at bitterwaitress, this is a place for me to rant, not give heartwarming tales anout homeless guys that I chase from the steps of my restaurant or my amatuer analysis of angry people.

My promise if there was one was to "wage a jihad" on people that piss me off. This is my arena and I have put out my case on any number of issues that concern anyone in the 'buiz as we say. Mission accomplished if I pissed you off, you're the type that I aim for.

At 10:08 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Insane Waiter!

Just read through your ENTIRE blog today, thanks for the great read! Even though it took me hours, your stories were hard to put down (errrr...or should I say, click away from.)

Love your writing. Personally I prefer your blog to waiterrant's--though it's good writing over there as well, the writing seems too "forced" or cliched sometimes. I appreciate that you cut straight to the chase.

At 3:21 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waitress said:
"As for who I think I am:
better than you."

Ah. You're a typical liberal.

At 2:49 PM , Blogger Jo said...

Honey, I think you mean proletariat. But since I can't spell that either, and I still start sentences with the word 'but', I'm not hating on you for it. Just thought you might like to know the word, since I'm a word-geek like that.

Love the blog :)

At 11:39 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoy reading your blog. Just ignore the assholes who criticize you. pentimento

At 5:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's the thing. A story can be captivating and compelling, and you can be totally caught up in it. Until you stumble upon the butchered, mispelled or incorrectly used word. This rips you out of the story - it literally breaks the spell.

That's why mispellings bother me. Not because I'm a word nazi, but simply because they detract from enjoyment of the tale being told.

"Irregardless" and "proliterate" were very jarring. (I also wonder if the author meant proletariat?) With all that said, mispelling is human and common and we're all guilty of it. So no judgment here!


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