Thanks

Since I’m a such a thankful person I’d like to thank the following this Christmas season.

I’d like to thank Kevin for coming in and leaving me $5 on a $118.00 tab. It’s the nice thing to do before a holiday, to show one’s generosity.

I’d also like to thank him for subjecting me to his faux romantic ambitions as he ordered for his horse faced date. Thank him for pondering the wine list for half an hour to order the perfect glass of wine, which was naturally the house Chianti which tastes of sweat socks and ass.

Thank him for insisting on a four top for the two of them and also thank him for camping out and costing me my 7:30 reservation. Which incidentally tipped their waiter $40.

I’d also like to thank him for his verbal tip, thus showing myself and the readership that it wasn’t a service issue that necessitated the tip but pure cheapness.

I’ll not forget you Kevin and I assure you the next time you come in you will receive service from myself or others that befit a 4% tip.

As for myself I generously kept fifty cents after tipping out the support staff and bar, thank you for two hours of my life that are truly unforgettable.

I’d also like to thank all the campaign staff’s for the various candidates of both parties. It is truly a honor to wait on privileged political science students taking a year off college with daddy’s credit card. I’m so happy that you are gracing us poor hick Midwesterners with your cultured selves.

Truly endearing was several staffers calling in to the various restaurants with reservations for Obama, Hillary, Romney, Richardson and so forth giving the impressions that “the man” or “the woman” in one case would be joining us for dinner.

Certainly we put the reservations in the prime spots, put our best staff on the section and readied the restauraunt for super suck up mode.

Naturally the VIP's were nowhere to be seen, but a bunch of drunken twenty-something politicos were.

Thank you for not honoring reservations, or for throwing tantrums when you show up with twenty people five minutes after close, thus necessitating keeping the staff into hour past the a.m. mark. That was quite a privlage waiting on you when I had to be back to open the restaurant in eight hours the next morning.

I’ll be sure to vote for your candidate based solely on your behaviors.

As well I’d like to thank our foreign visitors.

Truly the Christmas season would be at a loss if not for your bemoaning the boorishness, arrogance, ignorance and hatefulness of our culture.

All while ignoring a simple and well known custom called tipping.

I’d especially like to thank the Spanish journalists who came in three days in a row, racking up enormous tabs, and yet on all occasions left not one peso, Euro or red cent as a tip.

If I went to Spain I would be expected, and expect myself to learn the day to day customs and what is an insult and such. As well I doubt I would sit there in a café and make snide comments about their nation in front of a Spaniard that knows English.

Now I am certainly not fluent in Espanol, but really, making digs at my country when I myself have Spanish blood and know a bit of the lingo isn’t such a good plan.

As I was their waiter on their third day and had heard about them, I was sure my service standards were at the level necessitating a 0% tip.

I would genuinely like to thank the many regulars who have come in recently and left great tips to their servers as a thank you for the past year’s efforts as well as in the spirit of the holidays.

I’d also like to thank those who make polite requests instead of rude demands.

Those who say “I understand” rather than “that is unacceptable” to the word no.

Those who are appreciative.

Those who understand the concept of operating hours.

Those who say please and thank you.

Those who genuinely are interesting in dining our rather than shoveling food in their face.

Those who rely on common table manners.

You are in the majority, so truly thanks.