The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, January 19, 2009

Silly Pranks or Things To Do When It's Slow...

From Sarah...

Do you guys play practical jokes on one another when it's slow?

We do!

Little things can be the quickest way to have me giggling like a school girl.

Last Saturday is a perfect example. We started out super slow and this was a shift I don't normally work so I didn't want to be there. We open at 11:30 and I had not yet received my first table by 12.

This one guy that I work with, let's call him Frank, was standing by the service bar putting little hats on lemons. Frank is annoying, he'll be the first one to tell you how to do your job even though he can barely hold down a 3 table section at night. So, I decided to mess with him.

I grabbed an anchovy from behind the line and snuck up behind him. I very carefully placed the anchovy on Frank's shoulder without him feeling it. I walked away and held my laughter in untill I was out of earshot.

Five years old, I am!

Frank didn't figure it out for at least a good 10 minutes. That thing could not have smelled very good. The service bartender told him it was me, so of course he had to get me back.

And he did.

About half an hour later, I felt something cold and wet on my leg. No, perverts, it wasn't that! The boy slipped an ice cube into my apron pocket without me feeling it. I thought it was hysterical. I wish I had those skills.

Not really the best story, I know, but we had fun and I felt like sharing. What about you guys? Do you any of you have silly pranks and jokes to share form the workplace?

33 Comments:

At 2:26 PM , Blogger Karen.Hanschke said...

One time I took an red onion ring and broke it, then attached it to my GM's back belt loop. He walked around with it swinging for a good 15 minutes, while doing table touches & everything, before he went on a rampage looking for me.

 
At 8:29 PM , Blogger Tim said...

Back when I bussed tables me and a few of the other bussers became pro's at subtlely spraying the backs of peoples legs with our spray bottles without the person noticing.

Another time when someone was in the storage room where we kept alcohol, I shut the door on them and held it shut. And THEN I flipped off the light switch that just happened to be on the outside of the door. Unfortunately for me, the person didn't even give me the satisfaction of acknowledging that I did it (I stood there for about two minutes, ran and got the other key for it, flipped the light back on, and he turned to see what I wanted without even skipping a beat).

The restaurant I worked at had an open kitchen and I was sitting at the bar in front of the hot side (and took advantage of the fact that they pretty much slipped me everything they messed up on). And I left to go the bathroom and while I was gone they put tobasco sauce in my coke. Fortunately for me, the person expediting had mercy on me and told me.

 
At 5:05 AM , Blogger BizTone said...

I was running food one night. The manager that was on duty and I love to mess with the others. He decided that he was going to tell one of the servers that she messed up on a steak order and that the line was going to have to refire it. It was busy and her table had already waited about 25 minutes for this order. He went on to explain that it was going to take at least 15 more minutes for the steak to come up. She got that ghost white look on her face. She opened her mouth to object or defend herself... just then we (the manager, the line, and myself) all lost it. She was a pretty good sport about it too.

 
At 9:05 AM , Blogger Morganna said...

The servers where I work put in fake tickets right after a huge rush is over.
We get them back by telling them we ran out of whatever they need most on their next order. We also throw parsley down the backs of each others shirts. (It itches like crazy and then wilts and sticks to you)

 
At 10:47 AM , Blogger Barb said...

My former manager used to love cutting a small hole in creamers, feeding a straw through the hole, then putting the thing inside an employee's cup and putting the lid on. A shot of creamer is definately not refreshing when you're in the weeds. Can also be done with ketchup or hot sauce packets.

I got him back though, and dumped about a cup of thick-it into his coffee one day. Ever come across this stuff? They use it hospitals/elderly homes to thicken pureed foods. It's completely flavorless and colorless, and his confused face as he tried to drink coffee the consistency of wet cement was worth the hassle of getting the stuff.

 
At 6:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

We like to cover the top of a glass of liquid with saran wrap...then we walk past coworkers (or a regular we know well) and pretend to trip so that it seems as if the contents of the glass will go in their face - hilarity ensues! You have to have the saran wrap really tight or they can see it...and don't do it with carbonated drinks - they fizz up and make a huge mess seconds after they get sloshed around!

 
At 1:04 AM , Blogger purplegirl said...

Most of our practical jokes are reserved for the noobs. Telling them to get something out of the basement, or go next door to borrow a bag of steam ...

 
At 7:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I work at a butcher shop and the guys will put lamb penis' on the girls shoulders. One girl put a kidney in another girls apron pocket.

 
At 11:38 AM , Blogger Kaditty said...

We definitely play a lot of practical jokes at my restaurant. One waiter is usually behind them, and one day, after he took payment off my table and had me outside trying to chase down the patrons who, I believed, had left without paying, we decided he needed to be "got", and "got good" (wow! run-on sentence!)

anyway, our GM called "greg" into the office and told him some of the girls had been complaining that he was harrassing them and he needed to watch himself..and wrote him up!! then the GM called a line-up where he went on and on about how we all have fun, but need to watch that we don't take it too far..."Greg" was flipping out! He was so mad!!

Finally the GM let it loose that the whole thing was a joke at the end of the fake line up! By then "greg" had been under the fire for nearly an hour.

Yep. we got him good!

 
At 5:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

We play a lot of gags at our restaurant, but one of our funner "games" is cell phone photo. When one of our friends is off and we are bored, we take pictures of obscure items in the restaurant and send it to the person that is off and they have to guess what it is. Kinda lame, but it's better than cleaning!

 
At 11:28 PM , Anonymous Bev Rage said...

We always played pranks on the newbies. When Iworked at Red Lobster, we used to tell the noobs that their job was to feed the lobsters. They'd be sitting there trying to feed a lobster a piece of lettuce, almost in tears cause it wouldn't eat. We'd advise them to try rubbing the lobster's tummy...it would help stimulate their appetites. Finally we would return the creature to its tank, shaking our heads, leaving the noob to wonder why the lobster didn't like her!

Another favorite was telling the new bussers that they had to remove all the limes from the empty Corona bottles! The poor kid would be there for hours trying to get the damn limes out..we'd usually tell them it was a joke before they started to cry with frustration. One day though, the joke backfired on us. We'd left our newest busser, a kid of 18 in the back with a couple of bottles of Coronas to be de-limed. While we were snickering away, he comes to us and tells us he's done, what next? You're done? We couldn't believe our eyes...the kid had removed every lime from every bottle! How did he do it? He simply filled each bottle with water till the lime floated to the top and then plucked it out. We promoted him as soon as possible! He's now studying engineering!

 
At 10:53 AM , Anonymous Strawberry Blond said...

I work at a popular restaurant chain, and when it's slow we break out the pranks.
We tie lobster tails to a server's apron strings or attach it with a thin piece of string (best done when the lobster tail has been sitting in a "to go" box for a few hours, waiting for this precious moment).

We dip our fingers in sour cream and give people a Sour Cream Sanchez.

We put bleu cheese in their aprons or (the horror!) down their backs. This is reserved for only the most vile of coworkers. Use only on someone you are incredibly pissed at, not on someone you're just pranking.

We stock up on water balloons after a shift and ambush the closers.

We ask the newbies to empty the hot water from the coffee brewer (you know, the one that never runs out).

We give a server something completely random, like a bowl of olives, and tell them to take it to their table because they requested it (this is best executed after you have delivered food or drinks to their table). They look like an idiot, and you laugh your head off.

After they clean their tables, we steal their cushions from their booths and hide them. We steal their coasters. We take their silverware and roll all knives in some rolls and all forks in another (if we're feeling annoyed with the person we'll roll a carrot in with it). We'll take their table tents and cocktail menus and put them under the table.

If you are feeling VERY angry towards a person (it helps if you have many people in agreement) take ALL of the dishes and glasses from a few tables and pile it on. Then have the busser refuse to bus it. Again, this isn't a prank you want to do on someone you like. This is for the one that has managed to piss off every person they've come in contact with that evening.


If you have any ideas or suggestions, I welcome them! Email me at southern_redhead03@yahoo.com

 
At 11:13 PM , Blogger sour said...

i've never worked in a restaurant but in a grocery store chain, we used to open the containers of margarine and use toothpicks to draw obscene pictures and write rude messages, and then replace the lids...the customers got a rude surprise and nobody could prove it was us.
also, when somebody would quit, the produce clerks would fill the big sink in the back with ice-water and the entire store would gang up on the person, carry them (usually kicking and screaming) into the back, and throw them in the water

 
At 5:51 PM , OpenID sweetrobroy said...

I'm a fan of taking lobster tail shells, attaching them to a 3 foot string and paperclip and covertly attaching them to a victim's belt loop... priceless!

 
At 11:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Used to work in a spot in San Francisco and we wore French aprons with really long ties. While waiting second at the service bar I tied "stellas" apron to a wine stand with about 10 buckets on it. She did not feel it, until she left to deliver her drinks..... And CRASH! She did not drop her drinks, but the wine buckets....

 
At 5:46 AM , Blogger Dave said...

I like to use lemon picks to poke a hole directly through the bottom of the cone shaped paper drinking cups by the soda machine in the kitchen... you know the rest

 
At 10:21 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFL!!! These are hilarious pranks! I'm a big fan of tying funny notes to peoples aprons, one that says "SMACK THAT!" I also tie paper cups right side up on the back of aprons and write on the cup "TIPS." This one girl walked around with it for a good 15 minutes and got some strange looks. Lol

 
At 7:46 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

A very young waiter always wanted to show how cool he was and asked us if we could get some cocaine. Once we put some ground sugar into a small plastic bag, ceremoniously called him into the kitchen,made generous "lines" for everyone,snorted them,and started rubbing our noses, telling each other "it's good shit", "oh man,I am so high" and asking his oppinion. As placebo went into its full effect we all nearly died laughing at his comments how high he was,and, of course, he believed we are laughing because of the " good shit"

 
At 3:15 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like to booby trap the bar that I work at. One day I put saran wrap tightly over a pint glass and neatly cut away the edges so you couldn't see it. I waited patiently for someone to have to pour a beer, and when he did, the keg of bud light just happened to blow at that exact moment! Foamy beer went all over his shirt, face, and eyes. I almost peed my pants.

Another time I left a big fake spider on top of the wine rack so when a glass was pulled down the spider fell first.

We sometimes steal each others keys and move cars to a parking lot down the road, so at the end of the shift someone thinks their car has been stolen.

Of course the classic olive juice or tabasco sauce in a coworkers drink. Or unhooking all the kegs at the end of your shift, and leaving the morning person confused when they can't pour any beer.

 
At 11:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its fun to take frill picks, and dip the tips into tabasco, then insert them into straws and blow them at people like little poisonous darts. Fun.

 
At 2:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I took a huge dump on some lady. She acted like an idiot. She had crap all over her wrists. I forgot to say sorry then I ate her mozzarella sticks and DVR'd Telemundo at her house for like 25 hours so all her Bonnie Hunt episodes got deleted.

 
At 2:17 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My coworkers are lucky, I make sure it doesn't get too messy. My favorite lately has been this big toy spider with a leash made from a thread from an onion bag. This guy gets attached to the inside of cooler doors and behind items that live on the top shelf. Today I also taped together all the soup crackers so when you went to grab one, you got all of them. I also saran wrapped a couple glasses, the straws and the chives. I filled the soda machine with so much ice that when they go to to it off, it will overflow. And last, I taped a portion cup full of confetti to the back of the fan in the dish room. Why yes, I did only get 2 guests my entire lunch shift and I did all the kitchen cleaning last week when it was slow. :)

 
At 3:17 AM , Blogger Jessi Pannell said...

My roommate, boyfriend, sister, and a couple good friends and I all work at the same restaurant. Last week, the boys put dawn detergent in my dish machine when I was on break. I had to take apart the whole thing. They still call me bubbles. So I took their shirts out of their lockers, got them soaking wet, and stuck them in the freezer until closing four hours later.

When I was 16 I worked at Wendy's. We had one guy looking for "straw covers" in the basement, got someone to water the fake plants, and someone else to mop the freezer (we did not have freezer cleaner.) Tommarow, I'm going to send my sister to find a bacon stretcher :)

 
At 3:12 AM , Blogger Sheamus Warior said...

dasdasdas

 
At 2:30 AM , Blogger Justin Gaberial said...

Playing practical jokes on each other is something that creates fun, and I really like this blog.
how to get revenge

 
At 12:39 PM , Anonymous ben dalton cobley said...

My boss and i have had a 40 ltr pan half full of water in the frezer over night.
on ariving to work the next day we stole the key to the bulding placed it ontop of the ice and filled it with more water and placed it back in the frezer at the end of our shift we turned out the 40 ltr ice cube with her keys nicely frozen in the center!!
thats a few hours before she got her keys back to go home.

 
At 5:29 PM , Blogger Forever wait said...

I worked at a semi-upscale restaurant where we would write on coasters, "I ❤️ Fish sticks or "ask me about our corn dogs". Something that wasn't anywhere near what we were serving. Normally attached with tape and pat on the back and a "thanks for helping me with that table.....".

 
At 11:15 AM , Blogger Unknown said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 11:16 AM , Blogger Jackie Melton said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 11:19 AM , Blogger Jackie Melton said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 11:20 AM , Blogger Jackie Melton said...

And asses not assessment

 
At 11:21 AM , Blogger Jackie Melton said...

It should say bubble wrap and asses not assessment

 
At 11:22 AM , Blogger Jackie Melton said...

Last Sunday I got the idea to put bu be wrap sheets under the rugs so as ppl walked in they popped there were a lot of wtf looks but no one ever figured it out we laughed our assessment off

 

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