The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Picking up the check.

So the other night I had some Hockey players in for dinner and another table wanted to pay for their dinner.

All nice and tidy except for the fact that every time I wind up having someone pick up the table they neglect to take care of me.

So as I was talking to the waiter who's table was picking up the bill, I told him to run the card on my table, but no way in hell was I sending it over without the automatic gratuity.

Especially since their bill was decent and no way was I going to risk either getting stiffed or a mediocre tip.

By twist of the serving gods he combined checks instead of just running the card on the two bills and while the grat carried over on my bill it was far less than 18-20% of the total bill and they left him nothing at all after the grat.

Even though it wasn't even 10% of both bills.

My table, while happy about their ticket getting picked up, predictably left me almost 5%.

Boy was my friend pissed as was I.

We servers take care of our own, I shared the combined tips, no matter how low they were.

So if you are kind enough to pick up the check, or lucky enough to have your tab picked up, think for just a moment about the person that also took care of you, it takes but a moment to figure out the tip between the parties and to make sure your server is included in your generosity.

29 Comments:

At 10:56 AM , Blogger The Server said...

That crap happens a lot. I'm wondering... if table A picks up table B's check and doesn't leave a tip, do we look rude if we make that fact known to table B? I do it all the time, so I won't starve, and I'll continue to do it. But I'm wondering what that looks like from a manager/customer perspective. Thoughts? Comments?

The Server

http://serverstories.blogspot.com/

 
At 11:44 AM , Anonymous artyv said...

The surest way to get a sub-par tip from me is for a server to hint or suggest one.

If you want to assume I'm one of those clods that don't understand the rules of the tipping game, then yes, I will be offended.

If you auto-grat my bill, that tells me you've chosen your tip and no more is required by me unless the service was truly outstanding (not just good or even very good.)

 
At 1:35 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any mention of tips, by the server or the guest, is rude. So when some no-class fuck says "We'll take care of you" you can be sure they won't.

 
At 3:06 PM , Anonymous Eustacia Vye said...

Artyv: Not leaving any more money on top of the auto-grat is fair. That's what the auto-grat is there for.

Anon: I agree. Pretty much every table that's told me they're good tippers... have left me shit.

The ones I hate are those who are fellow servers. When I go out, I leave at least 20% (more for great service, but I won't go any lower than 15% even the service is only mediocre). I'm one of the few customers that appreciate the work that my server is doing.

So when I have a table where one or more takes the time to inform me that "I know how it goes, I waitress too," and then leaves 15% to the cent for great service, it annoys me.

 
At 3:28 PM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

I wouldn't mention to party B that there was no tip, I would just grat party A and treat it like they were all one big party. Then, break the sales down to which server had what sales, and split the grat appropriately. It's up to the servers if they want to split it down the middle.

 
At 5:37 PM , Blogger Secret said...

Artyv, generally I would agree with you, unless the service was out of this world the auto grat would be fair.

However I must point out that the auto grat for this particular case was only assigned to my check and thus when the other server combined checks the grat wasn't for the full amout of the sum of the two checks.

Thus his table either should have seen the true amount of the grat, or better yet he should have ran the card on both tabs rather than combine them and have a better shot of getting his fair portion as well rather than split a menial tip.

 
At 9:42 AM , Blogger AWE said...

If something happens, good or bad, causing my check to be paid for, that is when I always take care of the server.

 
At 11:47 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes I don't agree with you, but I certainly do here (I'm a diner, not a waiter).

Same goes for coupons. Tip on the whole bill.

 
At 5:30 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.weightwatchers.ca/util/art/index_art.aspx?art_id=18841&tabnum=1&sc=2&subnav=food+ideas&inbound=sym

articles like this are the bane of all waiters. if you're on a diet, stay the fuck home asshats.

and when did we start calling these fuckers 'guests?' especially in the privacy of a public rant. it also doesn't reflect the nature of their transaction with a restaurant; they're not our guest. we didn't invite them. they just barged in and want shit and want not to pay for it if possible. some guest. customer or diner or fucking vulture get closer to the thing i think.

 
At 8:03 PM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

Anon, you invited them when you advertised/unlocked the door/turned the 'open' sign on. If they barge in your house, yes, you don't call them guests. But if they 'barge' in your restaurant, then by all means, you can call them your guests. Your logic is off. Myself, I like to call them customers.

 
At 11:24 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny how many server/commentators have the same attitude as "anon" and then get pissed because us patrons don't tip people who behave like complete assholes.

 
At 12:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

anyone who misbehaves in any public establishment the way many of the "guests" the insane waiter reports about are no "guests" in my books. they forfeit the complimentary, if inaccurate, title with their incredible rudeness, idiocy and lack of public decency, quickly degenerating into(difficult) customers at best, complete assholes at worst.

the likes of them -- and you too, last "anon"? -- were never going to tip well in the first place.

the sign that says "open" does not mean "open to all assholes who would like to be our guest in abusing our waitstaff." it means "open for respectable business."

"guests" don't pay for services. customers do and, like everything else, there are good ones and there are bad ones. i take it this site is devoted largely to venting the frustrations incurred by the latter.

 
At 1:39 PM , Anonymous dan webster said...

Guests do pay for services - get a dictionary.

 
At 3:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i always thought guest was a ass-kissing euphemism in the hospitality industry. meant to make the customer feel all warm and fuzzy. but thanks, dan, for pointing out my error with really rather staggering rudeness to a complete and utter stranger. made my day. hats off buddy.

 
At 4:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, was I rude? I'm so sorry, that wasn't at all my intention you little faggot.

 
At 4:13 PM , Anonymous dan webster said...

Sorry, forgot to use my name. Hey while you're at it, look up "self-fulfilling prophecy", like you go up to a table expecting a shit tip and consequently they get shit service.

 
At 5:03 PM , Anonymous Jones said...

Dan, I bet you make a great "guest." Friendly folks like you always do. Just the kind we servers love to wait on. And give our very shittiest service to because we can all peg a crap tipper and an asshole a mile away. You rodents fucking stink. Fuck off.

 
At 5:15 PM , Anonymous dan the man said...

Hahaha! that's awesome! you really don't have a clue do you?

 
At 5:22 PM , Anonymous suuuure said...

"...we can all peg a crap tipper and an asshole a mile away."

I rather doubt that. If you were truly psychic, as you claim, you would be making the big bucks at the carnival, next to the geek biting the heads off chickens.

 
At 8:22 PM , Anonymous danny webster said...

I just want to apologize for the "little faggot" comment - it seems kind of harsh to me now...I must stop drinking at lunchtime.

 
At 12:21 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for that dan, in all sincerity, whether you were apologizing to me or the universe at large. thing is, i am a little faggot so your commment kind of stung like less pointed rudeness wouldn't have. but don't stop drinking at lunchtime on my account. god knows i won't on yours. cheers mate.

 
At 1:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"the likes of them -- and you too, last "anon"? -- were never going to tip well in the first place. "

Dead wrong stupid shit. If it happens it's more of a self-fulfilling prophecy because you came to wait on me with a chip on your shoulder. I'm a 15-20% tipper (or more, for really good service) except for prejudiced assholes with an attitude.

 
At 1:44 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Insane Waiter, I love your comments section. So much hatred! Why can't we all just get along?

 
At 1:50 PM , Anonymous Eustacia Vye said...

I've never seen such a collection of rude, juvenile cretins in one place since I graduated from high school.

 
At 4:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

eustacia, I thought you said you worked in a restaurant?

 
At 7:31 PM , Anonymous ennui said...

eustacia hasn't been around the web much if she thinks this joint is rude or cretinic. My guess is she spends most internet moments at www.fluffybunnyhugs.com.

 
At 9:39 AM , Blogger CoffeeandCigs said...

Seems odd that the other server didn't add the gratuity also. If the patrons saw an auto gratuity, they may have assume it was for all and never thought about it. He screwed you both by being a dumb ass.

 
At 2:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with coffee, you were smart enough to autograt, he wasn't you should be able to keep the tip. Next time process the checks seperately, tell the other table their tab is covered with exeption of the tip.

 
At 6:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was feeling blue, so I decided to check out fluffybunnyhugs.com, but it doesn't exist! I even tried dot org and dot net - nothing! Damn you ennui!!

 

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