The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Asinine Question of the Day

The "guest"

"Yah, do you have a bathroom?"

My response.

"I sure do, mine's at home, where's yours?"

As I walk into the kitchen with about 20lbs of plates and glasses on my shoulder.

18 Comments:

At 12:19 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thus reminding us to use "you all" to refer to the establishment and "you" to refer to the individual.

 
At 10:48 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are really an ass.

 
At 5:22 PM , Blogger Secret said...

Yes I am an ass, thank you! The main point here was someone stopping me for directions then I was struggling with a heavy and poorly balanced tray.

 
At 9:29 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, I think that was a completely valid question and you handled that rather poorly. "Struggling with a heavy and poorly balanced tray" is not an excuse to be downright rude.

 
At 10:47 AM , Anonymous Eustacia Vye said...

I disagree. A restaurant is teeming with employees, all of which can easily give directions. A server who is attempting to balance a heavy tray on their shoulder is obviously a poor choice. A guest who assumes that the server must stop in his/her tracks and answer the question RIGHT NOW is ridiculous and completely self-absorbed. While getting snarky was probably a poor choice, sometimes our temper gets the best of us. At least he didn't call the guest rude.

In any case, I definately wouldn't have answered the question either. I probably just would have given him a nasty look and kept on going.

 
At 11:12 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see. Well fine. Next time I'm in a restaurant, I'll just say "Where's the frickin' bathroom asshole."

Apparently that's the proper way to behave.

 
At 12:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude should have peed on your shoes.

 
At 2:22 PM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

Yeah, calling an employee an asshole in a restaurant is a great idea!!! It will keep you guessing exactly what ingredients make up the delicious food you're having. Lemme' see, snot, spit, dandruff, pubic hair, sweat, cum, dingleberries, etc...The list goes on. If you did that to me, I'd probably deck 'ya.

 
At 3:05 PM , Blogger Segue said...

Ah... An asinine answer to an asinine question.

Touche, dear waiter.

The customer's question is a colloquial way of asking, "Where is your bathroom, because I have to take a piss?"

It's like visiting someone's home and saying, "May I use your restroom?"

Of COURSE you can use their restroom... Your REAL purpose is twofold: Asking where the restroom is located, if you don't already know, and informing your host why you are wandering off in their home all by yourself. It's just... polite.

In the restaurant situation, BOTH OF THESE apply: The customer obviously doesn't know where the restroom is, or they wouldn't be asking, and you probably don't want them wandering into the kitchen by accident. (If they did, you'd probably bitch about THAT on your blog instead, wouldn't you?)

Next time you go out to eat in a moderately-busy restaurant, consider which employee YOU would hit up for restroom-directions: Would it be the hostess all the way across the room? The bartender dashing around mixing drinks? The server in the process of taking an order from a table?

You'd probably pick the guy carrying dirty dishes back to the kitchen... Which is exactly what your customer did.

You're bitching because you were carrying a lot of dirty dishes, not because someone interrupted you.

 
At 8:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

If it wasn't your customer you just fucked a coworker.

Proof that you are stupid and a douchebag.

 
At 2:29 AM , Blogger Secret said...

Actually You're a Douchbag...

And a toolshed, as in a place for storing tools, as I'm sure many have been stored...

 
At 11:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh no! The dreaded "I know you are but what am I?" taunt!

Next thing you know, we'll see the escalation to "I'm rubber, you're glue..."

 
At 12:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read this blog for the comments. They are hysterical!

The actual blog... eh, not so much.
Keep up the good work, I mean, comments!

 
At 12:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck you anonymous.

 
At 12:15 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, fuck YOU!

 
At 1:12 PM , Anonymous cranky said...

2:29 AM? How's that meth addiction coming along?

 
At 3:12 AM , Blogger Secret said...

well as a waiter we work night shifts, no meth here, but a steady regimen of cigarettes, jager bombs and coffee

 
At 10:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, you work in the service industry, it's your JOB to help customers. Answering his question would take two seconds; there was no reason to be a jerk.

 

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