The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


So its no secret that I hate coupons and I pretty much refuse to work in rinky dink corporate joints that have only trailer parks and public housing projects on their mailing list.

Well I have both bad and good news at work I suppose.

Well actually good, bad and funny.

To stimulate our take out business which is rather brisk as it is, we are doing a two for one promotion on take out only.

The bad new is there's quite a number of people that aren't reading the coupons and whipping them out at the end of the meal.

Upon learning, and this is a shocker, that they'll actually have to pay for their dinners who do they take it out on?

Not the manager or owner, but the only part of the payment that they actually have control over.

The tip.

And me, the lowest wage earner in the restaurant.

The funny part is that I've had two tables of John Deer hat wearing (Not Ashton BTW), flannel clad hicks that have ripped the bottom part of the coupon off.

The terms are listed on the bottom and they think they're being savvy shoppers (AK cheap scum) by trying to pull a trick on me and then getting all irate when I refuse their discount.

Now the terms are on the bottom for a reason, there would be no mistakes when pulling the coupon off the top as the terms would have no reason to be separated except for these wise asses trying to be tricky.

Personally, I would do just fine without their business.


At 3:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once you start sending out two-for-one coupons regularly, people won't come in unless they have the coupon. Every single table has one - (plus the servers are using them too). So then you stop doing coupons and your business drops big time, because people are just out there waiting for the stupid coupon to come out. It takes a while to wean people off coupons and get back into a regular rhythm.

At 4:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nephew Dude:

Whatta ya mean by "Not Ashton BTW"?


Uncle R.

At 4:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

If the coupons don't clearly say TOGO ONLY in big letters, then you can't be too suprised that people are whipping them out to pay their sit-down bill.

By the way, "Not Ashton BTW" means "Not Ashton BY THE WAY" - I know, Ashton who?

At 5:14 PM , Blogger Secret said...

Ashton Kuhtcher(sp?) A jackass who popularized trucker hats such as John Deere hats on his show punk'd.

The "take out only" is clearly printed, I'm just suprised that people don't bother to read their coupons, want to be the exception to the rule, or just try to take advantage and rip us off.

Actually I'm not suprised, there's always that segment of diners who are that way.

At 7:06 PM , Anonymous steve said...

You tryin' ta be smart with me boy?

At 8:14 PM , Blogger Secret said...

Naw, I didn't even have to try.

At 9:33 PM , Anonymous Jen in Door County said...

You are not the lowest wage earner in the house. Your tips are part of your pay and you know it. The dishwasher makes the least amount of money.

At 9:45 PM , Anonymous Ken said...

Honestly, it all depends on your definition of pay. I do agree and feel that the servers are the lowest paid, but yes... They get tips. Then again, dishwashers make above $2.13 an hour. They make enough of a wage that their time is actually being paid for. *shrug* It's a double-edged sword, unfortunately most of the guests that walk into a restaurant for food don't see it that way.

At 9:46 PM , Blogger Secret said...

Well I am paid the lowest wage allowed my state law. $3.09/hour.

Much less than a dishwasher, who I will admit deserves a raise, hell I was one at my very first job. Its hard, nasty dirty work.

But back to my wage, true it does include tips, but when I don't get tipped because of the coupon policy or other gripes out of my control, then my wage goes down.

The customer has the final say and I guarantee you it is easier to stiff the waiter. Therefore cutting down our wage, and a wage that I can't live without.

I've said it before, while a tip is subjective, the only reason to lower it would be bad service.
Not to "get back" at the place for refusing to honor an invalid coupon, or for a long wait because you made no reservation, or that you couldn't get that table in the corner because it was reserved.

At 10:35 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The "take out only" is clearly printed..."

Quite obviously is ISN'T "clear" if "quite a number of people" aren't seeing it!

At 2:34 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well you haven't seen the coupon have you, more likely people aren't reading it or trying to pass it off and get the discount anyway. If they tore the bottom off to try to get a free meal I'd give the waiter the benifit of the doubt here.

At 7:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

We used to have to get a manager to sign off on every coupon, to make sure we weren't stealing. So one of the guys practiced the mgrs signatures, and everybody would take their fraudulent coupons to him! So this one mgr Frank went out and bought a special pen, so our guy went out and bought the same pen. So then Frank started keeping track of exactly how many coupons he signed for each server, he'd make a big show of pulling out his list and marking it off (if he was smart he wouldn't have told anybody about the list, but then again if he was smart why would he be managing a restaurant?) which worked for a couple of nights, but when we got slammed it all went out the window - no way to keep track.

So then management wanted us to get the customers who had coupons to sign the back of each check, verifying that they paid using a coupon. A real pain in the ass for tables that actually had coupons. But the other tables, well you'd be amazed how many celebrities came in to eat: Julia Roberts, Michael Jordan, Fidel Castro, Bill Clinton, Donald Duck, etc.

And that seemed to satisfy management - it went on like that for a while. We used to actually argue over who got to take the tables of Mexicans who came in. They're shitty tippers, but they're almost always polite, order the best things on the menu, and most important, pay cash.

At 3:46 PM , Blogger Lobster Boy said...

Nice thing you have going here. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll add a link to your blog and will stop by from time to time.

We have coupons that are mailed out I think quarterly. They don't warn us, some old cheap bugger shows up with one the minute the front door opens on the day they issued the coupon. They serve to bring in the dreges from the ghettos, the trailer trash, the scum bags, and the cheap old people. Coupon tables average tips are 10% or less. Thankfully ours require that the buy two meals to use it, so at least there is a chance of making $3-4 on it. It's common that the tip does not exceed the amount that was taken off by the coupon. Coupons are crap, but they don't cost the people at the top of the coporate food chain anything but printing, and their stock options grow because of them. If I was a filthy rich stock option laden coporate soldier, I too would be issuing them regularly to screw every server possible.

Lobster Boy
Red Lobster hates its employees blog

At 7:24 PM , Blogger Beth said...

lol, my restaurant back home occasionally gives coupons but the funny part is we share our name is a clothing store, so every once and a while, we'll get someone in who wants everything 50-75% off, as well as 5 pairs of underwear for the price of three!

At 3:36 PM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

That's why it's a good idea to keep a copy of the coupon (marked "void" on it, so that your managers don't think that you're pulling a scam on them. Actually has happened to me as a manager.) to show your rednecks what it looks like before ripping the bottom off. Then, there's no arguement.


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