The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Eh, repost

So before everyone gets in a tizzy for me reposting a post from back in September understand this.

Just yesterday, Tom who I got a job at my new place was telling some of the staff about this story, as he was the asshole server standing right there when it happened.

Everyone got a good laugh out of it and all...

The this morning as the host was walking past me with my ten top I was stopped in my tracks, It was Jess, the girl in the story.

Shit, and at my table too!

We were both startled, its been months since I've seen her and I never had talked to her after the incident.

Right then Tom runs right up to me pointing at me, and totally loosing it, it was kind of awesome.

Course the stuttering prick went up and told my buddies who just heard the story.

Well here it is, a retro repost for you neewbies and something to bitch about for the ones who'll say I'm being lazy, not that they're wrong or anything.

BTW I do know what a mongoliod is, and I was making fun of a drooling, creepy kid, not anyone with Down's Syndrome.

I know all you big city folks think Iowans are a bunch of idiots, but look where you rank in education compared to us, hell look at quality of life, crime, levels and higher education.

Not so bad out here really, well enjoy!

"You're always in my fucking way, fucking move!!!"

I look up from the shrimp cocktail I'm putting together.

It's Jess, the resident bitch waitress, Tom, the resident asshole waiter is smirking behind her...

"Excuse me?" go I.

Her eyes narrow into slits,"You always think you're the only one fucking working here! Move!"

She shoves me aside, shrimp and sauce spilling everywhere...

My response?

"Uh, suck me beautiful??"

She explodes, a chorus of fuck you, asshole, son of a bitch yadayadayada.

I walk away, her tirade continues...

I stop in my tracks and turn around.

"Why don't you shut the fuck up you stupid bitch!!!"

I roar it acrossed the kitchen.

Tom, Dick, and Harry are starring in disbelief.

I storm out the kitchen doors, trying to figure out how I'm going to face my tables after this whole situation, I put it together and go back to work.

A few minutes pass, the assistant manger, Brett starts screaming at me the minute I enter the kitchen.

She's one of his pet servers, good thing I'm in good with the GM.

He goes off,"What the fuck did you say to her!!!

You can't talk to her like that!"

Shit, half the staff is watching.

"Lets go into the office, Mr. Professional." is what comes out of my mouth, the GM is in there, he'll at least listen to what I say.

"Ok," I say calmly,"what did she say happened?"

Brett started first,"She said you've been sexually harassing her, that you've been following her around asking her to blow you off."


"She says you do it all the time, you could get fired for that you know, that's harassment."

I've never said anything like that to her before. I've never hit on her, and the only thing I ever said to her like that happened five minutes before.

Hell I hated the girl, I'd say as little as possible to her.

And I conveyed that sentiment to the managers.

My GM was understanding, Brett wasn't.

"You're full of shit, that's not what happened."

GM said, "You can't talk like that, I know you weren't trying to harass her, but it gives women ammunition against you when you do."

He was right, in this sensitive society someone with a grudge can use something like this, and be taken seriously.

It all started off as a fight over a two foot space on a counter, it was ok for her to cuss me out and all that, but for me to hit back, she tried to get me fired.

Using the greatest weapon a woman has....


Hell hath no fury...


At 3:36 PM , Blogger AWE said...

I saw a girl get a guy fired over touching her shoulder. She was wanting the job he had at the time and she used the Sex thing to make it happen. They didn't even ask his side of the story is what sucked.

At 3:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

waiterrant has better re-posts, and his mongoloids are creepier.

At 6:53 PM , Anonymous pokervixxen said...

My friend Tim put his tip out money in a hostesses front pocket and her dad called threatening sexual harrassment, he got fired.

At 8:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, well I accidentally sprayed a girl in the face with my soda gun! I had honestly intended to hid the surface of the service window, but my finger was just off place in the soda gun's nozzle. I apologized, but she tried and tried to get my ass fired for that shit.


I still have my job. When you're a shitty worker and you sit and stare at me when I have more work to do than you, get out of my way.


At 8:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

She had used the sexual harrassment card...forgot to clarify.

At 11:30 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to work in a hotel restaurant where one of the hostesses took notes and documented every single questionable comment someone made to her - got 6 guys fired, including the head waiter who'd been there forever and had regulars coming in every night asking for his station. I can't put myself in her place, but I really doubt anything seriously offensive was ever said to her. No physical contact, but it doesn't matter. One of the managers got ahold of the court documents - the funniest comment was from one of the bussers who told her about how he woke up with a "morning missile" every day and had to lean against the wall to take a piss! I'll bet she laughed, too.

At 7:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Insane, when you went to take her order you should have said "I already know what YOU want"

So how did the table go anyway?

At 10:42 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This blog is so good that he's already into his greatest hits. Even Waiterrant hasn't reached that yet.

I think I hear publishers knocking.

At 6:55 PM , Anonymous Michelle said...

I'm so glad I've never worked with someone who was like that. All the girls I've ever worked with usually ban together and continually make sexual remarks at the men. Of course we make it obvious that we are joking... Just makes for an interesting work dynamic I guess. In general guys are way more relaxed about that sort of thing.

At 8:53 PM , Anonymous girlychef said...

That girl would get me fired in two seconds...I constantly tell the wait staff and fellow cooks to suck my 14 inch black cock. But I'm a girl, so I get away with it.


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