The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, December 19, 2005


At 9:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another good chuckle...thanks!

At 4:00 PM , Anonymous channadal said...

ha! that's funny!

At 12:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nephew Dude:

It's been awhile. Been out of commission.

Do you ever NOT recommend an entree?

When I was a waiter at a 'surf and turf' I learned that the shish-ka-bobs were made from the scraps of meat left over from the sirloins and filets mignon that were cut to a certain weight.

And the seafood quiche was made from the left over scraps of crab and lobster that were also set to a certain weight.

I would quietly not recommend them and get a better tip for it.

On the subject of weighting out food portions, did I ever tell you about the time I "flunked" an "audition" as a pizza maker?

Back when I was an undergraduate. It was my first and last night at a popular pizza joint. I made these BEAUTIFUL, LUSCIOUS creations all evening long. Thought I had the job down pat.

Then at the end of the evening the manager asked me if I hadn't been using the scale off to the right to weigh the ingredients for the pizzas. "Oh, is that what that scale's for?" I responded. "Silly me!"

Silly me, indeed. I was not asked back.


Uncle R.

At 1:34 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

People used to tell me "I'd like the Turkey Wrap" and I would shake my head and say "No, you wouldn't". They usually appreciate it, except one lady who said "But that's my favorite!" I asked her if she'd had it before and she said she had...I said "Oh". After that I would always ask if they had tried it, before not recommending.

At 8:20 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Customer: I'd like TheInsaneWaiter, please.

Me: No, you wouldn't.

Customer: ???

Me: It's not "waiterrant".

Customer: Oh. Ok. Thanks. I guess?

At 11:26 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude, where are you? I know you must be busy - the weeks before and after xmas were always nuts for me. In fact the day after xmas was always killer money, because mgmt was too fucking stupid to schedule enough people, thinking it would be slow. But everybody's out exchanging shit and wearing their new clothes, and usually in decent moods cause the pressure's off. The restaurant would jump, and I always made lots of cash.

At 12:05 PM , Anonymous grazza said...

To Uncle R.
So you would put people off certain dishes because they were made with the trimmings of the steaks? Did you discourage people from ordering the filets and the sirloins as well. I could understand if the kebabs were made from stuff returned to the kitchen or uneaten, but whats the problem with using the meat trimmed off the steaks? What do you think your butcher makes his burgers or sausages from? Waste is bad, and most kitchens will try to find a way to maximise the return on the cost of produce, thats business.


At 7:52 PM , Blogger Grotesqueticle said...

I love hamburgers.


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