The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, November 28, 2005

Top 10 Pet Peeves

"This job would be great if it wasn't for all the customers" - Randall, Clerks

Well someone asked what my biggest pet peeve about customers is.

Well its hard to answer with just one so here's my Top 10.

10. People that suck down their entire drink within seconds of receiving it.

9. People that shake the aforementioned drink glass at me like a rattle instead of asking for a refill.

8. Tables that refuse to say "please" or "thank you."

7. Customers who tip poorly after receiving great service.

6. The "Verbal" tip.

5. Guests who steal my pens.

4. Credit card customers that take both copies of their receipt thus negating any tip, I always add on 15% these days when that happens. And no I don't care about the legalities of that one.

3. People who do not make reservations and are in such a hurry, plan ahead if you have engagements at a certain time.

2. When people try to "write their own menu" the menu is put together by a highly skilled chef, order off of it, don't ask us to make something that a competing restaurant has or something that you want but isn't there. Go somewhere that has these items or make it yourself.

1. "Campers", customers that refuse to leave within a reasonable time of paying their bill. Neither I nor the restaurant make money off that table if it isn't turned. It screws up our reservations and screws me out of potential income. It is even worse when tables stay hours after we close. If you want to catch up or chat that long, go to a coffee shop or bar that stays open later. If you're the last table in the place and everyone is giving you dirty looks, that's the signal for you to leave.

40 Comments:

At 5:05 PM , Anonymous pokervixxen said...

I've had people leave their credit card, but take both credit slips, it's a scam. They call the credit company and report it lost or stolen.

I have a few more pet peeves to contribute:
When they ask about prices, "How much is a rum and coke?" You know what?! We're not required to memorize prices and as they say... if you have to ask the prices, you probably can't afford it.

"Does it come with it?" In response to offering salad or dessert,"Um, NO!"

COUPONS!!!!

People that feel the need to tell you how to do your job, "Can I get more water?" When I'm there with the pitcher in hand.

 
At 7:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you don't like coupons, don't work in a restaurant that offers them.

 
At 7:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

shut the fuck up jew

 
At 8:26 PM , Anonymous tamaran17 said...

hey waiter,
I'm a relatively new reader and just wanted to say that I love your blog. You are a fabulous writer and your stories never fail to make my day just a little brighter! Thanks!

 
At 9:07 PM , Blogger Beth said...

On the comment about coupons, I used to work at a restaurant with the same name as a clothing store and people used to try and pawn the clothing store's coupons off on me. One day someone was dumb enough to give me the entire cirular for 50% off their entire purchase. I pointed to the coupon right under it and said, "Oh! I didn't know that we were having a sale on underwear here too!"

And as for not working at places that offer coupons. You're dumb, shut it. You can't control what management decides to do and I'm not about to quit my job everytime management has some half-assed idea.

 
At 9:56 PM , Blogger Denise said...

Yeah, I hate when they steal my pens. I used to hate it more when they only eat half their meal and don't want to take the rest home, but I stopped noticing that.

My pet peeve du jour....hmmmm.....I think when they say their food's not right but they don't want me to fix it. I'm like, then why did you fucking bring it up?

 
At 11:18 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My pet peeve....

when your helping out at the front and you welcome guests and ask if their here to eat. They say no, just looking around. Then they seat themselves in an area that's closed, a section usually no one notices (cause it's closed), wave their hands around like lunatics, and ANGRILY say no one has come to take care of them.

Just me?

S-

 
At 12:23 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm...things not going well for you? A lot of your posts lately have been angry. How about painting pictures of the customers you serve instead of giving us general lists? Trust me, to those of us who read Waiterrant.net and your site, the people who do those things are old news.

 
At 7:53 AM , Blogger Jia Li said...

I think everyone hates people like that...

 
At 9:40 AM , Anonymous Pete said...

hi, im a waiter in perth australia.. love your blog.. so much of it is true and relates to over here as well.

Another stupid thing we get here for cocktail partys etc is people pointing to a glass of say red or white wine and asking "is that a red" or " is that a beer?" how F@#king stupid can people be to ask that question.


oh well just another day as a waiter i guess dealing with people.. its a shame cause we do get some greats people come through its just the idiots that stick in our minds..

take care, keep the stories coming its great!

Pete, Australia

 
At 10:05 AM , Blogger me said...

pet peeve:
1)regular smokers who sit in the back for three hours every day, getting six refills on coffee, no food, and who chat with other smokers doing the same, decreasing the number of servable tables and putting off all the other customers in the restaurant. they also leave a pretty lousy tip and cause me to go home with a signature grease/smoke smell that is so strong it's like i bathed in it

2)people who keep sending you back and forth because they can't ask for everything they need all at once, i.e.

a customer once asked me for mayo, i left and came back, her mom asked me for more water, i left and came back, she asked me for more mustard, i left and came back, she asked me to take the sandwich back to the kitchen and scrape the excess lettuce and tomato off her plate because it was too much for her...

why she couldn't just scrape it off her damn self is beyond me- needless to say i refuse to serve her table.

 
At 10:53 AM , Blogger Seth said...

It's a pet peeve that people are thirsty?? You are insane.

 
At 12:16 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Insane,

I hate the Campers too. So, as a general rule, I do not come into the restaurant within two hours of closing (I know some servers would be watching the door and groaning at my approach). We also smoke real fast and then leave. When we lived in Florida, we couldn't smoke inside at all so we were out the door as soon as we got the check. LOL.

And for the person who keeps coming in here and posting racist shit on this blog...dont you have anything better to do? If you want be an ignorant, prejudiced, racist bottom feeder of society, then create your own blog. Sadly, you're not alone.

 
At 12:16 PM , Blogger Jammerz said...

It's a pet peeve that people don't take their half eaten food home? What if they stopped at a restaurant on a road trip or something? Or they're staying in a nearby hotel??

Anyways, I just wanted to let you guys know, that I work in credit card processing, and when you add on a tip that wasn't there, I'm not going to lecture you on the legalities of it all, but I will let you know, that you can get your restaurant in a lot of trouble by doing it. Not only that but they can get charged tons of money in chargeback fees etc. Which they can take out of your pocket. Plus if they get enough complaints about tips being added on, the entire restaurant can be blacklisted from accepting credit cards completely. I know it hasn't happened to you, and you may not know of anyone it's happened to, but I work in this business and I see this happen to businesses every single day. I'm just saying, I would be careful.

 
At 8:00 PM , Blogger kas said...

I think I might be one of your nightmares because I drink my drink down immediately all the time and continue getting refills the entire meal. I can't help it. I'm thirsty. But here's the thing, I rate my service on how well the person takes care of my drinks. Really. I get very happy when my waiter is on top of the refills.

 
At 10:58 PM , Anonymous Beth said...

To anonymous above, don't compare this site to Waiterrant's. It's a different blog. Insane, write whatever you feel like, whether it be a story or a list or whatever.

A pet peeve of mine is when people REACH INTO MY APRON to grab a straw when I haven't even sat their drinks down yet. I kind of feel violated, it's a bit too close for comfort.

 
At 7:35 AM , Blogger Segue said...

I guess I'd agree with all of these except #10. I tend to drink a lot (I don't mean alcohol) when I go out to eat, and I can reasonably expect refills. Are you saying I should deal with my thirst because you don't feel like making another trip to the table?

I tip well for good drink service... It's one of the only things completely under the control of the server.

 
At 11:46 AM , Blogger Becca said...

I lot of these comment pet peeves are fairly reasonable for the customer to do. (Though, honestly everyone has the right to bitch about their job, it's only fair. But if a person is nice give 'em a break on some of the other stuff.)

Like the first comment.

1)Come on. Asking the price? Unless it's an upscale restaraunt where nothing is listed, that's not to crazy.
2)Coupons, okay I do feel like a creep using them, but honestly as long as they're tipping right why would you worry about it? Granted, they probably won't be but then that's a tip complaint, not a coupon one.
3)I lot of a restaraunts do offer salad with the entree... what now?

 
At 8:44 PM , Blogger K Tana said...

MY pet peeve...
After a customer has received their food I always check back within first few bites. Customer says everything is fine. In the process of meal I refill drinks or just make my self available.(We are not allowed to hide in the back or smoke)At the end of meal jackass suddenly decides they don't like their food and are not paying for it. Thank god my chef is an asshole and loves this confrontation. He'll box it up, write on the box for the dog and happily present the check for me.

 
At 8:39 AM , Blogger Springs1 said...

"When people try to "write their own menu"

What's the point of going out to eat if you can't have things YOUR WAY?

""Campers", customers that refuse to leave within a reasonable time of paying their bill."

If the party wants to stay there longer, there isn't ANYTHING you can do about it. It's their RIGHT to stay longer if they want to.

"Neither I nor the restaurant make money off that table if it isn't turned."

This is a VERY, VERY, SELFISH statement. You ONLY care about the MONEY, NOT the CUSTOMERS.

"It is even worse when tables stay hours after we close."

I will AGREE with that one. If the restaurant is closed, within 15 minutes to a half an hour should be long enough after the restaurant is closed. That's just RUDE customers for ya.

"Customers who tip poorly after receiving great service."

Maybe you THINK it's great, but just maybe you don't know if their order was messed up because the customers didn't tell you. One's opinion about what's "GREAT" is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT than another persons.

"People that suck down their entire drink within seconds of receiving it."

People have EVERY DAMN RIGHT to drink HOWEVER FAST they WANT TO. What a LAZY statement.

"People that shake the aforementioned drink glass at me like a rattle instead of asking for a refill."

I will AGREE, that is RUDE. Be nice and ASK, is what I say.

"Tables that refuse to say "please" or "thank you."

I say "thank you", but I don't say please.

"The "Verbal" tip."

I AGREE with that. If you feel you get good service and say that you did, well put your money where your mouth is.

"Guests who steal my pens."

That's just aggrevating.

"I always add on 15% these days when that happens. And no I don't care about the legalities of that one."

This one is called CREDIT CARD FRAUD. You can't legally do this. I know people should leave you the merchant copy, but you can't just add your own tip by LAW.

Anonymous"If you don't like coupons, don't work in a restaurant that offers them."

I AGREE 100% with that one. Don't work at Red Lobster considering they have coupons. You will get less tips because people usually tip on the total AFTER the coupon.

Sarah said "And as for not working at places that offer coupons. You're dumb, shut it. You can't control what management decides to do and I'm not about to quit my job everytime management has some half-assed idea."

NOONE is putting a gun to your head to stay at that job. GET ANOTHER JOB if you don't like coupons.

Denise Regan said ".....I think when they say their food's not right but they don't want me to fix it. I'm like, then why did you fucking bring it up?"

To let you know WHY your tip will be bad, well DUH!

 
At 2:23 AM , Blogger Secret said...

Lords!!!

Welcome!

 
At 3:59 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Sheesh! I don't know whether to cuss the guy out (if it IS a guy, I really don't know) or applaud him for such an entertaining refutement of your list. LOL!

P.S. I do, however, find it interesting, springs1, that you will say "thank you" but not please. Why is that? I'm just curious.

 
At 4:00 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

sorry, springs, just looked you up and you're a girl. Sorry about the guy comment. If I wasn't so lazy I would have known that from the start.

 
At 4:24 PM , Blogger Springs1 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:26 PM , Blogger Springs1 said...

Sondra
"That you will say "thank you" but not please. Why is that? I'm just curious."

Well, I don't think it's necessary to say "Please" as if to beg the person to do their job. I at least say "Thank you" when they bring things to me like a refill or condiments. I'm not going to say thank you when the server makes like the third mistake and doesn't say their sorry at all. You got to earn your respect that if you do make a mistake, at least say you're sorry to be NICE. I don't think I need to say "Please" when they are doing their job. It's NOT like I'm not saying "Thank you" or something and it's not like I'm asking them to wipe crumbs with a knife like they did at a fancy upscale restaurant that I was at one time. They are just going to get what I've requested. Sometimes, if it's something that requires extra trips, I'll say "thank you very much." I just don't think it's necessary to say please, when 90% of the time when I have mistakes, I don't get ANY sorrys. So, I am going by my experiences. A lot of times I'll order by saying "I would like...." which is nice to say.

"If I wasn't so lazy I would have known that from the start."

You weren't too lazy, you may just not have realized to look at my profile. It's ok, NO big deal really.

I don't think it's really necessary to say please to EVERY request. Even if I say
"May I have ....", that's just as good as saying "Please" if you ask me. It's still being polite.

 
At 1:46 PM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

Springs1, Lords, whatever you do to try to hide who you are...you say please to be polite. You ought to try that some time. Ever heard of the golden rule? I've seen your comments and arguments so many times on these people's blogs, and I really don't want to get started in one with you, but I had to comment on this one. A simple please will also probably ensure that you get great service. I know, it shouldn't have to be said to get good service, but for the servers that don't normally care, they just might after hearing such a kind word.

 
At 1:46 PM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:41 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Springs1-
Saying "Please" is not begging. It's good manners. You'll catch a lot more flies with honey.

 
At 5:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The whole "free refill" thing is a nightmare for servers when guests
abuse it. The free refill is an extra offered by the restaurant and not a "right". A customer is free to drink as quick as they want to; however if they were paying for each drink (like they would if they were having cocktails which servers don't mind because it adds to the check) I bet they would not be slugging them down at the same rate. In fact I used to work for a couple of restaurants in NYC that did not offer free refills on anything other than coffee. It was pure joy for me to put down a check with $25-30 worth of soda. The looks of confused outrage were priceless. The assumtion that refills are free just because they are free at fast-food joints and have now been embraced by most of the lower to mid scale restaurants, is just that an assumption and we all know what happens when we assume things don't we...yep thats right, out of you and me.

 
At 5:33 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny! I understand both sides. People can be really rude sometimes to waiters. Waiters shouldn't have to put up with rude people all the time!

On the other hand, some waiters need and extra push! I went to a restaurant the other day and my waiter repeatedly bought over dirty silverware and dirty cups and plates. It was an interesting dinning experience. Also, one of the most shocking things a waiter has ever done was to bring over the check when she brought over my food! How RUDE its that! Is a person really supposed to sign a check while they are eating? That's terrible!

So I really feel that it depends on the waiter. I've also had some AMAZING waiters with whom I was very well pleased! So, It really depends!

 
At 9:38 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found this crazy bitch springs blog yesterday morning and I am fascinated! What an insane bitch. She posts this crap all over the internet. Hey, what other names does she use? what does the Lords reference mean? Wow, she is a nutcase but after a dozen years in the service Industry you meet all kinds. But thankfully I work in a high end privately owned bistro not a chain and if she pulled that nonsense there we'd bar her, done it many times.

 
At 10:56 PM , Blogger President Leechman said...

"I think when they say their food's not right but they don't want me to fix it. I'm like, then why did you fucking bring it up?"

Most likely, they want you to know there's something wrong, because if you don't know there's a problem it won't get fixed for the next customer.

But I gotta wonder, if you don't care whether they liked their food or not, what kind of waiter are you?

 
At 4:39 AM , Blogger Ribeye of your Dreams said...

I know I'm a little late to the party here, but springs has decimated 60 percent of my posts, and has left well over a hundred comments of the 600 or so I've had. It's devastating, and my other readers are getting tired of it.

 
At 2:56 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess mine would be when people snap their fingers at me. Its so rude just wait till i walk buy, call out when i'm near even waving for Christs sake.

 
At 11:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

springs, you need to understand not all servers are paid hourly wages, for those of us in Oklahoma our tips are considered our wage, unless you want to count the $2 an hour they pay us as employees. so when we have "campers" we really are losing money, its not that we only care about money and not the customer, its because this is our source of income and its not fair to us to sit around for an hour after you've paid your bill. if you want to sit for 15 minutes then fine, I understand that, but if you stay for longer you're costing me my rent and groceries.

 
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At 10:48 PM , Anonymous Randy said...

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At 5:16 AM , Anonymous StardustLuna said...

They should also add people who try to seat themselves, or ask why they can't sit in the bigger booth when they're only a party of 2. When it's slow, I don't mind, but this usually happens when we're slammed and I can't waste that booth on just 2 people when we have 4 different parties of 5 waiting to eat!

There are also the people who complain about the wait and why 'everyone else' is getting seated before them. Gee, maybe it's because those people have been waiting longer or phoned in a reservation.

And last but not least, people who see a speck of black on their plate or drink and claim 'oh, it's a bug, so I'm not paying for this' after they've eaten. We're not dumb, that's pepper and everyone knows it.

 

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