The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Friday, November 25, 2005


So I'm tired and about to head back to Des Moines after an exiting week of being poked, prodded and photographed like an albino Madagascar Ringtailed Lemur by my family.

(Love you guys!)

So why my mind is brimming with all kinds of fucked up situations and irritances I'm way to tired and lazy to blog anything until the first couple shifts are back under my belt.

So commentors!~

Here's your chance to be fodder for my cannon of the soul.

Shoot any questions at me, and for God's sake make them good.

I'll probably even answer them for you!

So yes, I'm too lazy to come up with anything funny or contriverial for today.

So any restaurant industry questions are indeed welcome and needed.

Shit, I'll even give you my take on life in general.

Hope to hear from you all and have fun eating left over gruel for the next couple days.


At 12:25 PM , Anonymous Steve said...

Spell Check, is it really nececessary?

At 5:49 PM , Anonymous pokervixxen said...

Why is filling your breasts full of silicone considered sexy? For the record, they are cold to the touch and feel as hard as they look. Aren't men getting tired of Carmen Elektra?

At 8:29 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

What would you say is the most annoying thing(s) that diners do that you see most frequently?

Since I work in customer service, I consider myself to be a very easy-going customer, and a damn good tipper... but any kind of insight into the waitstaff's mind is great.

I check this site (and Waiter Rant) daily. Great stuff!

At 9:00 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Hey Insane, would you do me a favor? I've been an avid reader and commenter for a while, but I keep forgetting to leave the link to my blog. Could you link me on your page? As soon as I figure out how to create links on MY blog (I use blogspot too) I will link you too. I must be retarded, because I don't get how to post links to other journals on my blog. I have several that I would like to link up, but cant, and I really dont like to ask other people to link me if I can't link them. But I promise to figure it out if you'll give me a link :) My journal is nothing special, just regular life stuff and I keep it up pretty regularly. It has had very little exposure so far and I'd like to change that. SO, any suggestions on getting it out there would be greatly appreciated, if you have them. Thanks, Insane..keep on writin!

At 9:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you hate black people? They are so picky and never tip well and never smile or are polite.

At 10:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

How much do you look like your sister, O? Are you from a big family? Are you still going to school, maybe to become a writer?
Do you work at LK?

BTW, I am extremely offended by the previous post.....and I'm white.

At 12:06 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am one of the large ice tea drinkers that waiters talk about.

Why do waiters seem to be offended if I ask that a half-pitcher or a full pitcher of ice tea be brought to the table for me. I explain to them that I have a large amount of thirst due to a health condition (diabetes), and that I don't want to take up all their time running drinks for me.

I tend to get a "You want WHAT?" look from them.

It has been mentioned before that the ice tea drinkers are generally overweight or sloven, but I am not. I used to be, but not anymore.

At 1:34 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Insane,
In response to Sondra asking for you to link her........I would look at her sight before recommending it. I found it to be immature, vulgar, classless, tasteles, and just plain trashy. She is unprofessional with the least bit of humor.
I find it tragic how some people live their lives and want to broadcast it to the world.
Sondra, I am sorry your husband got drunk on Thanksgiving & threatened to slit your throat.
Seek professional help with your anger issues.

At 3:58 AM , Blogger Big Tasty said...

I've been reading your blog a lot, too. It's good stuff, interesting, you get to a lot of the points I like in my own jobs and it's just interesting to see what happens in Iowa.

It's much the same as me in Beverly Hills, where the people who have much more money than anywhere else in the world and they tip horribly and demand the most.

I've had food thrown at me, investors blame me for the mistakes of the corporation, and people just plain forget that I'm just trying to get their food out on time. I want everything to be good, tasty, and on time.

I don't want to ask too many questions, more will come as time progresses...

Until then I will tend bar at a couple of restaurants, have a good time, and still not know how to figure out how to post on my own blog at...


At 12:17 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Whoa! I felt the need to comment to Mr. Brave there, AKA "anonymous" who called me trashy and said I need to work on "anger" issues. Actually, he didn't read my journal in its entirety or he would have noticed that in the very beginning, I said that someone would pop me for being "angry." This is weird..I get that alot..probably because I don't smile in my pictures. However, I understand that by putting yourself out there for the public to read you are opening yourself up to all kind of criticism, bad or otherwise, and I respect his opinion even though I don't want to. It's just a shame that he felt the need to blast me so badly on these comments when I know that he has probably only read one or two of my entries. He claimed I was unprofessional. I don't HAVE to be professional in my blog. He said it was vulgar. That's the truth. In the beginning of my blog I warn people of that. I like to cuss. I don't do it in normal course of conversations but when I write, I write how I want to and I can understand if he's turned off by it. That's why he doesn't have to read it. I just ask that people read a few entries from each month before blasting me in someone else's journal. Sorry, Insane. I wish he would have posted the comment on my blog instead, but thanks for reading, everyone.

At 12:49 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Oh, and one more thing, Mr. the same sentence you said that you were sorry my husband got drunk and threatened to slit my then said for me to seek help for my "anger" let me ask you..who has the anger issue? me or him? LOL

At 4:20 PM , Anonymous Curious said...

I check your blog on a regular basis waiting for updates. Really, my only question for you, is could you tell us more about yourself? After reading someone's thoughts, rants and opinions for awhile on one subject, it's nice to just know a lil more about what other stuff they enjoy (or don't enjoy, your choice).

Is writing something you're interested in doing professionally? You're very good at it (and yes, some people make comments about spell check, but damnit, that's what copy editors get paid for. lol) We know you live in Iowa (as do I) but I think it might be nice to hear your thoughts on other things you're interested in or passionate about.

Keep up the good work.

At 4:46 PM , Anonymous Mr. Brave said...

Ms Sondra,
I DID read ALL of your blogs, & that IS what my opinion is based on. True it is your sight & you have every right to say what you want however, your 'writing' lacks the humor, skills and 'class' that this blog and the blogs the Mr. Insane recommends.I didn't think your BLOG was worthy of his recommentation, of course that is totally up to Mr. Insane.
However I do believe you will get your wish to expose your blog via this confrontation. I am sure it will arouse curiousity to those who read these comments. Thats why I posted here & not on yours. You will now have more readers or fans than just your friends & relatives.
Good Luck to you Sondra, I commend you on keeping your cool, while replying back to this blog. I realize this HAS to be really getting under your skin ;-)
Mr Brave (LOL)

At 4:55 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Yeah it did, Mr. Brave and I must commend you on your ingenuity. (Credit given where credit is due and all that.) And I do respect your opinion. (Hopefully Insane won't kick us both off his comments.) :-)

At 7:46 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with the anonymouse question about black people. I too hate those niggers.

At 8:42 PM , Blogger Amommymously said...

I certainly hope the previous post is removed. Keep your hateful comments to yourselves (both anonymous posts). This is hardly the forum to discuss racial issues. Go away.

At 10:47 PM , Blogger christopher said...

I've been away for awhile, missed a couple months worth of updates, but have been going back through the archives and quite enjoying myself. Keep up the excellent writing and keep the stories coming. Your fan base seems to be growing exponentially.

At 8:27 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Insane Waiter - Love your site - read daily and can relate big time! I'm a female who has always worked in the corporate world...after my 16 yr old daughter became ill this year with a tumor...I was forced to part ways with my employer (don't believe what they tell you about the FMLA protecting your job). My good friend invited me to come and work at her upscale restaurant. Having never done this type of work before we both agreed if it didn't work out we'd go our separate ways and still remain friends. 7 months later I am stll there and loving every minute of it...all that corporate B.S. gave me great training for this field! Your stories and great writing always put a smile on my face at the end of the night! Oh yes..daughter is doing great.

At 12:31 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had a customer ask me once "How many chicken wings come in a dozen?" after I squashed my urge to laugh, and politely tell him the answer... he follows up with "How many are in a 1/2 order?"

At 2:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nephew Dude:

Who are those tacky people using your blog space to trash each other? Eliminate them!

On another matter:

"albino Madagascar Ringtailed Lemur" indeed.


If you found yourself poked and prodded like the aforementioned critter, IT'S BECAUSE YOUR APPEARANCES ARE AS RARE AN EVENT AS ONE OF THOSE CRITTERS!


Uncle R.

At 12:18 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

I wasn't trashing. I simply responded.

At 3:58 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

To Uncle R,
At least you KNOW Insane, you are wasting HIS blogging space ALSO.
Call him on the damn phone or send a hallmark card. Geesh!
I happened to find most of these other comments entertaining!
Whats wrong with a good old bitch slapping every once in a while?

At 10:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

damn niggers

At 10:23 PM , Blogger Amommymously said...

To the previous anonymous posts: #1: YOU are wasting this blog space with your crap. You are jealous because nobody knows YOU! And, you probably don't receive any phone calls or cards either. After I've bitch slapped you a couple of times, maybe you'll know what's wrong with it.
#2: Damn YOU. Go away!

At 6:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey mously mommy,
Get a sense of humor or a vibrator.


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