The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, December 19, 2005

Decaf Nazi

A few months back I was accused of attempted murder for my revenge on a "Decaf Nazi" by serving her a double espresso regular coffee mix, here's the exact quote from a commentor...

"I absolutely can't have regular coffee. I become violently ill. the shakes, the bathroom, then a narcoleptic fit. Some people with heart conditions can't have regular either. Are you trying to kill customers?"

I believe my answer was,"Pretty Much."

Anyhoo, my decaf hijinx may come to an end after I learned decaf is actually worse for the heart than regular, see link...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4444908.stm

So while I sit in back and slam down eight 20 oz. iced regular with two shots of espresso each to get through my day, feel free to call me at my home phone if I serve you regular instead of decaf, at 3 A.M.

I'm sure I'd love to hear from ya!

12 Comments:

At 4:18 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

No other comments yet, so I thought I'd remind you that you aren't waiterrant. It seems to be the thing to do here.

 
At 9:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well...I got a good laugh out of it.

 
At 9:21 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you one of those "servers" who spits in the sauce or adds laxatives to the drinks of those you don't like? Maybe you stirred a "cocktail" with your penis. Waiterrant had a hilarious story about that trick recently. It's clear that you have no respect for your customers' needs and the thought of putting them at risk doesn't bother you, but from what I've seen at Bitterwaitress and Tip20.com I'd say you're not alone.

Here's a fun trick to try on the next customer who pretends to have a seafood allergy: smear a raw crab leg on his bread and stand back to watch the fun. Oh, make sure you get the tip first.

Gee, I wonder why people hold food workers in such low esteem?

 
At 12:18 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Because they're assholes, that's why.

 
At 12:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, if you actually kill somebody your blog will blow up. You'll get thousands of comments! It'll be Insane!

 
At 1:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sondra I hope that picture isn't you 'cause you are one of the ugliest bitches i've seen in my life.

 
At 2:44 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually people hold food service in such low esteem because they believe all the horror stories or may be assholes. Actually most people are decent and realize we work hard just like most people. Some are just assholes, maybe they deserve to get fucked with?

 
At 6:48 PM , Blogger Denise said...

No matter how rude customers are, you must honor them if they say they want decaf. I don't care how many people have lied about food allergies in the past. You have no right to give them something they insist they can't have. I've got severe food allergies and probably drive my server insane by asking questions, and I'm a server myself, so I hate to do it but I have to because people who don't have food allergies or sensitivities don't really understand and think it's in your head much of the time. Or they just don't feel like being accomodating.

If I were allergic to caffeine and told my server and he served me regular anyway, I wouldn't hesitate to sue for medical expenses. Something to think about.

If you really can't be sensitive to the needs of your customers, you need to find another job.

I won't be back. Have a nice life.

 
At 7:15 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Yep, it's me. It's amusing that you must think that my self esteem is so low that some anonymous asshole commenting on a blog about my looks would devastate me. You better go find someone else to pick on if you want to see them cry. Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I KNOW I'm cute. But thanks, anyway. :-D

 
At 7:17 PM , Blogger John said...

BTW, all you moralistic idiots, decaf coffee contains caffeine. Not as much as the regular type, but still plenty to trigger an allergy attack. So, basically, we don't believe you when you say you're allergic to caffeine and order coffee anyway.

And to those who try to guilt out the waiter, you need to get a life. And not a discount one, either. Pay full price. And leave a good tip in the tip jar that pisses so many of you off.

For the rest of you humor- and/or irony-impaired, go look up "black humor" in the dictionary of your choice. Then have a person with brains explain it to you, with examples.

 
At 1:20 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

jjy trying to outmoralisticize the moralistics

too funny

 
At 7:20 AM , Blogger John said...

I always outmoralisticize in the morning. It's the next great fad.

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home