The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Sunday, December 18, 2005

The Latin King

"Well folks how is everything so far for you?" I ask as I refill their waters.

The lady at the table makes a sour face.

She pokes at her chicken caeser salad with her fork.

"This isn't what I ordered," She says.

I flip open my notepad, sure enough, chicken caesar.

"Ma'am you ordered the chicken caesar, yes?" I ask.

"Yes I did, but this isn't a caesar salad."

Lets see...

Chicken, check.

Romaine, check.

Croutons, check.

caesar dressing, check.

"Well ma'am, what's wrong with it?"

"It doesn't taste right."

I remove her plate,"ma'am, I'll go personally make you a new one, ok?"

This is returned with the same sour look, of course.

I run back to the kitchen, throw the exact same ingredients together and run it back out.

She tries it again, same look, "I'm telling you this isn't a chicken caesar salad!"

I'm exasperated, "miss, I made this salad myself, I assure you its correct."

She pushes it towards me ,"the Latin King's chicken caesar is much better than this, I don't know what this is but I don't want it anymore."

"Well ma'am that's how we do our chicken caesar."

The the gentleman speaks up,"I don't like my shrimp fettuccini, it doesn't taste right."

Oh Christ!!!

"The fettuccini at the Latin King has much more flavor," he continues.

"Sir, what would you like me to do, would you like a new entree?"

He replies,"it wouldn't be as good as the Latin King."

He shoves the plate aside.

"Sir, is there anything I can do at all?" I ask.

"We'll take another two glasses of wine."

"Certainly sir."

Of course its house Merlot, one glass costs more than the entire shitty bottle that's imported from Chile of all places.

I drop off their wine and go find the GM.

I explain the situation.

"Go give them some desert on the house, we'll comp their dinner," he tells me.

"Folks I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your meal, can I offer you some desert on the house?"

They order the tiramisu.

I deliver the goods and a few minutes later as I walk by a hand grabs my elbow.

I cringe.

Its the "gentleman"

He pulls me close.

"This tiramisu is terrible, the Latin King's is so much better than this."

"Who is your chef?" He goes on.

"The chef at the Latin King is excellent, this man clearly doesn't know his way around a kitchen."

Ya, I'm sure he'll be happy to hear this I think to myself.

I wrench myself from his grip,"Sir, I'll bring you your check."

"But your manager said our dinner was on the house!?" The lady said with an alarmed look.

"Folks, the dinner is, the wine isn't."

I return to the server station and print up their $20 check.

I grab their credit card and upon returning with their receipt I am asked...

"Have you ever eaten at The Latin King?"

"It has much better food than you have here, I just wanted you to know that."

I set the check book down, "then perhaps you should eat there next time instead, sir."

p.s. I love The Latin King.


At 11:38 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

LOL. I hate people like that. And I really hate it when they feel the need to TOUCH you.

At 11:50 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

this LAtin king sounds delicious!;-0)

At 10:16 AM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

Sounds like what they really wanted was a taco salad and a shrimp enchalada. You don't like it, fine, but you chose to eat at this restaurant. Next time, you'll know better. Get over it!!

At 10:25 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

What exactly is wrong with Chilean wine? While it sounds like your restaurant traffics in plonk, that doesn't mean that Chile as a wine region is to be denigrated-- on the contrary, it's been an interesting producer in recent years.

But this does lead me to think about your job-- it must be miserable serving up items that you think are loathsome, thereby losing all respect for the clientele who order them. It seems like you and your restaurant are not the best match given your tastes. Then again, you are in Iowa-- although this Latin King sounds promising.

I did initially enjoy your blog, but after some time I'm beginning to see why waiterrant dropped the link. There is something unpleasant in reading these rants which have been steadily losing humor while mounting in arrogance and anger. It makes me wish I could stage an intervention (and yes, Sondra, I know I must suck-- now why not blow secret already?).

You sound really angry and unhappy. Your stories about unpleasant customers do not start with your best efforts, but seem to begin right with your disgust and distaste.

Then again, I could be wrong, and it's an issue of prose. Perhaps it's the lack of narrative development that conveys this misery. Perhaps it's the lack of any story of appreciation, or any sense of joy you actually take in the work (waiterrant conveys this rather nicely).

Comparisons are certainly odious and unfair, so I will stop it. I understand and appreciate the value of a good rant. But the blog, which started out promising, has devolved into this steaming mass of vitriol leaving no one coming out well.
Although it certainly makes Sondra and some of your other fans happy. And maybe that's all that matters.

At 12:31 PM , Blogger Jen in Door County said...

Yes, you sound hacked off all the time, but believe me, I completely understand---I'm a chef. Mr. Anonymous, while stating his opinion, evidently has never worked in the food business.
The title of this blog is INSANE Waiter...and I take the entries as proof and causation for such a moniker.
Waiter Rant is great, I read that one as well...but he doesn't rant. Misnomer, to say the least.
In time your writing skills will improve, baby steps, baby steps.

At 12:32 PM , Anonymous Ms. Cherie said...

Mr. Insane,
If I were to guess your place of employeement, would you own up to it??
I think I have a pretty good idea...

At 1:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excuse me, Insane Waiter? This blog isn't what I ordered - I'm not enjoying it as much as waiterrant. And waiterrant has better seafood fettucine. And waiterrant is such a beautiful philosopher, why aren't you? Can I speak to your manager please?

At 3:18 PM , Blogger Secret said...

Hmmm, yes this is a rant style site last time I checked. I believe I addressed comparissons to waiterrant in an earlier posting, if you want to read his style only you know where he is, if you want to to hear me vent, well this is the place. btw once again that was an experience at my OLD place of employment, one of the reasons I left was no confidence in their menu or wine list.

Ms. Cherie, you can guess where I work, email me if you want, I might let you know if you're correct.

At 5:31 PM , Anonymous kitchen hand said...

Anonymous #2, you've gotta be kidding. Tell me you're kidding.

It's a blog. There are millions of them. And this one is amusing and fun and insane. It doesn't pretend to be anything more or less.

If you were an English teacher, you'd be dumping on a student for not being Shakespeare.

At 6:32 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Anonymous, who the hell are you? What the fuck right do you have to post comments on Insane's blog attacking me for enjoying it? So I enjoy it! So what? You got a hard on for me, or what, buddy? Knock it off and get your name out of my mouth. You don't know me. Fag.

At 9:28 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you found your previous employer's menu and wine list left you without confidence, why would you write the story to imply that the customers were wrong in stating the obvious?

The Latin King does sound promising. I'll be sure to try them next time I'm stranded in some Godforsaken prairie town.

At 2:38 PM , Blogger Secret said...

"why would you write the story to imply that the customers were wrong in stating the obvious?"

Because its a damn chicken ceaser salad and shrimp alfredo. If you want to eat somewhere so badly go eat there, not make a scene.

At 4:18 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude, quit responding to retards and go write another post.

At 1:34 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you dont like the way this blog is written, don't read it. if you don't like the content, don't read it.

At 1:47 AM , Anonymous Curious said...

It's so funny that people absolutely "hate" this blog but they keep coming back for more.

To can keep posting here all you'd like, but the fact that you hide behind an anonymous name while making your rude posts, just makes you look like a complete coward. This is a good blog and I enjoy reading it. You going to start personally attacking me too? And btw, I hardly think Sondra is ugly, or that you have any business criticizing her for reading and replying to the blogs.

Please update the blog soon and have a Merry Christmas!

At 1:10 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Geeze, thanks Curious! I wasn't expecting that!

At 4:27 PM , Anonymous Floater said...

I think Sondra's quite attractive. And yes, the customer's behavior was despicable. Maybe they wanted to drive your business over to the Latin King?

Hang in there, buddy.

At 4:21 PM , Anonymous flies said...

We think Sondra is attractive too!

At 3:16 PM , Blogger Sondra said...

Geeze, thanks everyone! I am blushing, blushing, blushing! :-D Happy New Year!

At 8:27 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's HIS blog. Leave him the hell alone, he can write what he wants. You DON'T have to read it


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