The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Specialties of the House

"Miss would you like anything to..."

"First of all I want bread!" She exclaimed.

Oh I just love that classic, it never gets old.

Upon returning with her precious bread (which we don't normally serve at lunch) she queried, "Do you have any specialties?"

"Well today we are serving a Mediterranean angel hair pasta tossed with..."

"No, I mean specialties!" She rudely interrupted.

"Well at lunch some of the entrees we're known for are our pasta's such as..."

"Specialties! Specialties! I want to know about your specialties!" She cried.

"T E A S!" She spelled out.

"T E A S!!!" She repeated....

"I want to know about your special teas!!!"

Christ, just ask what kind of tea we have, Iced or Hot, not too difficult.

Special Teas, how special is Lipton Brisk?

Maybe if she wouldn't have been so high stung and rude it would have been funny.

Who asks for tea like that?!

20 Comments:

At 3:14 AM , Blogger First Year said...

Social rejects ask for tea (or anything else like that).

I can't understand why people start off nasty with someone who is doing something for them (fetching them things, etc). Tables like this are the most demanding and least rewarding.

 
At 8:13 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Social rejects? You mean people who aren't wasting their parent's tuition money on alcohol and cocaine? Right.

 
At 9:10 AM , Blogger AWE said...

No Ma'am we don't have any special teas, but we have a nice selection of carefully aged Coke products.

 
At 9:10 AM , Blogger Segue said...

Heh heh...

Did you get her with the old "super salad" question?

 
At 9:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Social rejects ask for tea (or anything else like that).


What? That has to be one of the most bizarre sweeping generalizations I've ever seen.

What is "anything else like..." tea? You mean another hot beverage?

Coffee is "like" tea, so all coffee drinkers are social rejects, too?

I can only imagine that you must have meant something completely different from what you wrote.

 
At 2:04 PM , Blogger oceanbug said...

I don't miss the food and bev industry when I remember people like that, what a raving bitch!

 
At 3:55 PM , Blogger Insensible said...

Bitches are who.

Sardonic but true.

 
At 11:15 AM , Anonymous Michaela said...

What a crazy bitch! I wouldn't have been able to not laugh at her, so Well done you!

 
At 5:29 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

you should have tea-bagged her.

 
At 12:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"you should have tea-bagged her."

THAT would have been "special"!

 
At 3:07 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate hot tea drinkers. They are a breed all of their own, high maintenance, cheap tippers.

 
At 11:36 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate hot tea servers. They are a breed all of their own, high tip expecting, low service providers.

 
At 9:23 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My God dude - where in the hell do you work with all these nasty customers ?!?!

 
At 6:11 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nephew Dude:

Like anonymous before me ["My God dude . . ."] I started wondering if you worked in a mental hospital, or across the street from one that gave all-day passes out.

WHAT kind of management do you have that doesn't see to these tables? I realize you may not be able to comment on that while you're employed there.

But really: maybe a look of perplexity on your part, or even looking over your shoulder and then saying, "I'm sorry, I thought there must have been some dispicable person standing behind me!" might convey to these customers to mind their manners.

Honestly. Your managers should not have to let you put up with such crap.

Love,

Uncle R.

 
At 2:56 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last night, a woman asked what Bourboun we carried, I replied that we had Makers Mark, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam... she cut me off and told me that those WEREN'T bourboun, like I was stupid.

She proceeded to treat me like I was stupid throughout the meal. For example: waving me over frantically as I was WALKING STRAIGHT TO HER TABLE LOOKING AT HER and telling me when I got there to remove her empty plates(duh) and that I would need a rag to wipe up her mess (DUR! DUHHHH!).

It is interesting in a way to watch a woman who seems like a normal lady, chatting with her husband and with the sushi chef, turn in to a condecending mean person to me, her waitress, and to know that is what lurks beneath what is essentially a facade. No one who is nice is that rude to a waitress period.

 
At 7:53 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...and telling me when I got there to remove her empty plates..."

What's really funny about this is that etiquette states that you should not remove _any_ plates until all guests are done eating. It's very rude to leave one or two guests with their plates in front of them and clearing away everyone else's. So rude lady was doubly rude: Obnoxious to you, and rude to her dinner companions.

Of course, I have only met about three servers that know this, too, so I guess I wouldn't expect your rude lady to have known this.

 
At 10:32 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to poop.

 
At 4:55 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It's very rude to leave one or two guests with their plates in front of them and clearing away everyone else's."

hey, I've waited on you before! You even gave me that same little lecture, before stiffing me. You suck! You're technically right about that being rude, but some people actually like to have their plate cleared when they're done, especially with the small tables many restaurants have.

 
At 1:02 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, I've waited on you before!

No, sorry - I don't think I came into your Burger Chef.

Seriously, though, no. If a waitron doesn't know this, I don't try to educate them. I worked with my waitstaff when I managed restaurants, but I don't get paid to fix other restaurants' mistakes, so I leave them be.

 
At 3:59 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"T E A S", I thought she was spelling specialties wrong. This is one of the reasons I could never work as a waiter, I do not have the temperment to deal with people like this.

 

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