The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Argh! So I've been backlogged the last week or so and this is coming off the Memorial Day weekend.

So as the holiday weekend is drawing to a close I'd like to thank all of the regulars that came in for all the fun that they provided, and the pay of course.

As far as the regulars mentioned, I don't mean the ones I greet with a smile and the anticipation of a fun table.

I mean the ones that make every waiter in the joint groan as they enter the door, the ones that we pray to the almighty we won't wind up with in our section.

Gone are the days of playful banter, flirting with the "still got it" middle aged ladies and the drink of preference waiting on the bar for a grateful patron.

Hello to "We know the owner" and are entitled to make your shift as difficult as possible with the constant threat that "you'll be reported"

So it was a difficult night to say the least.

And I had the pleasure of waiting on this guy...

He was a joy to say the least, since that tale has occurred he's decided to become a regular and he and his family have been a constant thorn in my side for the last six months.

Every time they order they take an item on the menu and change every possible ingredient.

They want the fettucini pasta, but with no tomatoes or onions, penne for the pasta and substitute chicken for shrimp.

Shit like that.


Naturally they then complain that "it isn't what I expected"

What did you expect, play chef and this is what you get, crap.

Then they come in a week later, and play the same game.

I'll never understand the regulars like this, they complain about the food, service or drinks and still show up the next week and repeat.

Why would you regularly go anywhere if it isn't up to your standards?

My guess is that they just like to have their ass kissed and to push people around.


I'll just be sure to be a little more surely their next visit, maybe they'll go down the street instead.

And thus the rest of the night went, we didn't get busy until about an hour before close and of course we were short staffed being as every server had off for the holiday.

I had a huge section, nine tables, which is very large for dinner and it was kind of hard to jump start into that type of rush after sitting around with nothing to do for the first three hours of the shift.

I pleaded with the host to hold off on more tables but apparently management was more concerned with getting people a table than ensuring good service.

People were lined up at the front like cattle through a chute, middle aged women outraged that we couldn't accommodate their walk in twelve top were crying like a kid with a case of the terrible two's.

I managed though, through the quarduple seatings, tables that should have received better service were waylaid for middle aged women whining about their salad dressings and wanting three, and only three, ice cubes in their white zin.

And the late diners arrived right on time, ten after close.

They were seated anyways, so much for the holiday party I was chomping at the bit to get to.

I was stuck there right on to eleven, two hours after close.

But enough of the poor me, check out the anti-tipping site below, a nice compliment to the bitterwaitress boards.

There's another question, what do you think of servers putting real names along with the amounts that they tipped on the internet?

Also here's a link to Buon Appetito, checked him out on Waiter-Rant and thought he was very well written with a lot of worthwhile tales...


At 8:11 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's why I'm not a fan of sites like bitterwaitress. Most of the stories read something like this: "[Celebrity] came in. Was a complete dick/bitch. Left 15%. Asshole/Bitch. I spit in his/her food."

Nice insight, which is why I wouldn't be surprised that 90% of the stories are made up by people who have a grudge against certain people.

On the other hand, let me guess that your menus read "no substitutions." If they don't, not that it will matter much, I'd recommend adding that to the menu.

At 12:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great link. It's nice to see a waiter's blog where every story isn't "I hate everything about my job and wish no one would ever come to this restaurant."

At 5:46 PM , Blogger Lobster Boy said...

My waiter brother,
I might be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure B.A.'s writer is a "she".

And to the previous commenter, you must not have ever worked in a chain restaurant.

Lobster Boy
Red Lobster Hates its employees blog

At 1:55 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can't have a no substitutions thing on a menu, at least at most a waiter/bartender I get really excited when I go to places that have those policies. But at the two places where I work, it just wouldn't go. People don't cook for themselves anymore so they use our kitchens and our cooks to do the job for them.

I'll also add that as a general rule, I hate doctors. The majority of them are pompous fuck-asses without any respect for anyone. Lawyers too, you'll find some gems in their crowds, but for the most part the two groups are pains in the ass to serve.

At 3:22 PM , Blogger First Year said...

Glad to hear you survived :)

At 3:51 PM , Blogger Checkout Girl said...

I've been a lurker at your blog for some time, only now did I decide to leave a comment. Your witty insights into the public have inspired me to start a blog of my own, our careers may be different but the attitudes of the people we deal with seem to be quite similar. Thanks for many good reads.

At 9:36 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good job generalizing about doctors and lawyers anonymous.

I guess since I've had a few bad experiences with black people or hispanic people, I can call them all thugs too.

Or how about having a few experiences with ignorant asshole waiters who think they're better then everyone else even though they have a dead end job.

Oh wait that's just a generalization that benefits no one.

At 1:04 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jon Odell says that the last commenter is a piece of shit.

At 8:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You sure told me.

Why don't you go hide with your tail between your legs. Moron.

At 10:26 PM , Blogger Secret said...

Hey Jon, our little friend that reported you was in and I waited on him, gave him "excellent" service, snort* still got stiffed, he's going to be the subject of my next post. BTW you getting your old site back up? hit me back on my email,

At 10:27 PM , Blogger Secret said...

Hey Jon, our little friend that reported you was in and I waited on him, gave him "excellent" service, snort* still got stiffed, he's going to be the subject of my next post. BTW you getting your old site back up? hit me back on my email,

At 3:25 AM , Blogger irv said...

Holy crap with the bitterness!

crap, I can't remember why I was gonna post.........

oh! whatsisname, waiterrant, posted a thing a short time ago about this 'drunk' who kept giving him 20's and 50's to keep his furtive drinking a secret from his fellow diners. so then w.r. posts this whole thing about this character's obvious drinking problem (parenthetically, most of the people we wait on and the majority of us in the industry have experienced some degree of alcohol addiction), and I felt really uncomfortable with the ethical breach that his post represented.

should one post bad tippers? I dunno, maybe... should one rip on the addictive habits of a customer who literally left you $70 to maintain discretion about said habits because you know it would make a good post and result in 139 comments?

it's a tricky line we toe. i don't think that should be underestimated...

At 1:30 AM , Blogger Waitergripes said...

Should we post the names of really crappy tippers? Sure thing, I'd like to put their faces on CNN and REALLY embaress the losers, the websites don't have enough exposure.


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