The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, October 02, 2006

New Gig

So I just finished the training portion at my new gig.

Pretty much the usual deal, only a bit easier on the nerves since my trainers knew me and were instrumental in getting me hired.

So here are a few pro's of my new place so far...

1. No managers. The owner is the boss and I don't have a gaggle of server rejects with no knowledge of anything to do with the restaurant business attempting to defy logic at every turn.

2. The owner. While I haven't had enough experience with him to make a judgment, I do know he is an owner that came up in the business and is a restaurant guy. Not some millionaire who only has a place as a monument to his success and cares not for the business, but the recognition it affords him as his personal fellatio devise.

3. No White Zin!!!!!!!!!! Imagine my elation, no really, imagine the joy when I had to tell a table that we don't carry that awful, awful degradation of a fine grape.

4. No Ranch! One again, imagine my elation.

5. No kids menu! So much for the cheapies wanting a kids chicken alfredo, grilled cheese, or (shudder) chicken strips at a nice restaurant.

7. No high chairs, I haven’t seen a person under the age of 12 in there, no more crayons, broken crackers or those damn “goldfish”!!!

8. Gratuities on parties of 6! That’s right, not eight, then or twelve, six it is!

9. Great food, not a weak link on the menu, and innovative at that!

10. Best and most comprehensive wine list I have worked with. Intimidation to be sure, but no White Zin makes it all worth it.

11. Our clientele are there to dine, not order cheeseburgers. That equals huge check averages!

12. Did I mention no Ranch in the restaurant!

13. No substitutions! The chef’s dishes are prepared the way they are for a reason, don’t like an ingredient? Order something else. Its better to deal with my smooth demeanor than the wrath of a thwarted chef.

14. Lets see, a la carte salads, wonderful appetizers (no cheese sticks) and great martini list…

15. Great staff, I am the weak link for now, but a small, professional staff can make a restaurant, and certainly does here.

16. Respect, the owner realizes we are adults and treats us as such. No more condescension from managers who are less educated and experienced than their staff.

17. Feedback is welcome and respected by all involved. No more rash policy changes or asinine ideas that result in low moral or loss of revenue for either the staff or the restaurant.

18. No more ties, our uniform is informal to an extent so no more attempts at making me button my top button when I am pouring sweat or making me wear silly ties with dancing waiters on them.

Are there negatives? Sure.

I already have a good blog story and I’ve only been there a week.

But I’m certainly excited…

Oh yeah…

NO MORE RANCH!

25 Comments:

At 2:48 AM , Blogger caramaena said...

heh, sounds pretty good. enjoy!

 
At 8:01 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I work there too???

 
At 8:32 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats -- it sounds like a great place. And don't forget to give us occaisional updates on the implosion of your previous employer :-)

 
At 9:16 AM , Blogger Ray said...

It's always nice to get a "fresh start" and have some new scenery around in a job.

Best of luck!

 
At 10:48 AM , Blogger Joshthecook said...

Congrats! White Zin and Ranch are the bains of all fine dinning establishments. Sounds like a good place. Make us proud.

 
At 1:07 PM , Blogger Suz said...

'Bout time you checked in with us. :) It sounds awesome! Congrats!!

 
At 1:17 PM , Anonymous Ben said...

Congrats on a new place. As a cook myself, it's great to hear that there are no substitutions. Never having to remake an item because you cooked the item normally rather than stupidly out of habit would make my life so much easier.

 
At 1:24 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy New Job!!!!

 
At 1:43 PM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

Awesome, congrats.

I have the feeling that you'll enjoy it so much more than the old place. I can't wait for stories of people that get pissed when they can't substitute everything and make up their own dish.

Good luck with the new digs.

 
At 2:42 PM , Blogger Girly Girl said...

Yee-Haw! I've been dying to hear something, anything about the new place.

 
At 8:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's up with Ranch? Is it a code for something?

 
At 8:38 PM , Anonymous Ben said...

No, good sir anonymous. Ranch is just that. Ranch dressing. The official dipping sauce of those who don't know better in the midwest. Most people in the restaurant biz dislike ranch simply because people are always asking for more of it. Like they're just drinking it while you're in the back. "What would you like on your salad?" "Ranch" "May I get you anything else?" "Ranch" "How is everything tasting?" "Need more Ranch". And then, when the bill comes "WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE SIDES OF DRESSING?" "Your ranch, sir" "BUT RANCH ISN'T A DRESSING, IT'S A CONDIMENT" "Of course sir, but we are required to charge for all sides that do not explicitly come with the meal as indicated by the menu" "I'M NOT PAYING" "Sigh, I shall get the manager" And then a pussy in a tie removes the charge and it happens again the next time they visit.

 
At 9:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks, Ben.

 
At 12:51 AM , Blogger briliantdonkey said...

hmmmm I was wondering the same thing about the ranch. I am not in the midwest and have been a server/bartender for many years and while I got my share of 'more ranch' requests, I can't say that it was ever enough to bother me a much if at all. Congratulations on the new place. It sounds like you will like it there. My personal theory is the first month or so doesn't even count. It is all new, from people to where to find the sweet and low, to managers. Once the newness wears off we will see how you feel about it. That said, it is a smaller(NON CORPORATE) place so that is a HUGE step in the right direction IMHO.Keep us posted.

BD

 
At 8:11 PM , Blogger mmmmmm Donuts said...

Glad you like it. So what's their call-in sick rule?

 
At 4:00 AM , Blogger Ranter said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4:02 AM , Blogger Ranter said...

Hmm, funny. I've just got another job at a huge corporate chain of supermarkets, and joined the union there, and though there won't be a quarter as much responsibility as where I am now, I am thinking it will be thoroughly enjoyable. No more butt kissing, covering shifts every day and more anonymity to just be left to my own, brainless job. Guess it depends what you want out of your job, I suppose!

 
At 11:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

you lucky bitch

 
At 5:35 AM , Anonymous Ms. Cherie said...

Good Luck & congratulations Insane!
I am from D.M & it's bugging the hell out of me where you are now!
Can you give me any hints???

 
At 7:42 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Josh the cook wrote: "White Zin and Ranch are the bains of all fine dinning establishments."

My assumption would be that White Zin and Ranch make it nowhere near a "fine dining establishment." And more likely, even before some dolt adds them to the menu, that place was never in danger of becoming anything more than a "dining establishment."

I know what you mean, but really, Ranch and White Zin don't even live in the same universe as fine dining. Unless, of course, some chef has taken on some kind of ironic-fusion business.

Then again, this may be because I'm not in the midwest, where apparently, such horrors are the life-blood of its denizens. Yeah. I said it.

-AsshatServer

 
At 1:20 PM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

Sometimes you have to cater to the masses, for they are the ones that are really paying to the bills. Unfortunately, I have to say that I carry white zin, but ranch stays off of the menu here.

 
At 11:52 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like ranch.

:(

 
At 3:36 AM , Blogger Big Tasty said...

Will that mean the end of all Pink wine?

Just curious.

 
At 3:25 PM , Blogger Brad #1 said...

There's always still Rose.

 
At 6:18 AM , Anonymous restaurant gal said...

I hope this next step is exactly right for you. You sound really happy.

Best, The Gal

 

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