The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Sunday, July 30, 2006

16 Tons

Well maybe fifteen, that's number of days straight I just pulled, it seems like the latter part of this summer is turning into a carbon copy of last year...

Slow and fucking hot.

Most of the shifts were doubles as well.

As we hire more staff for our already overstaffed restaurant the bulletin board in the back is full of notes begging for shifts as our once profitable $120-200 shifts have fallen to fifty bucks or so in the heat.

So we will be working less shifts for less money as the junta tightens their grip and turns us in the corporate direction much like Ahab setting sail after the white whale that is of the corporate nature.

So we pick up any shift we can and do our best to get by.

As well the tendency is work hard, play harder. Every night by the end of the shift there is much talk of the "bangers" that we'll drink like so much water in the two hours of open bar time by the time we get out.

Then there's the after parties, which are highly dubious.

Every night has been a party of some consequence, and every day like morlocks rising from the depths of the earth, we rise, pasty, sweaty and often in no mood for another grinding shift.

So off on my second vacation of my summer break I will go. Class starts again in a month, this time I'm back full time. This part time business was just taking too long, I'd rather take out loans and work part time.

Maybe my posts won't be so jaded if I'm down to four shifts a week.

At least some of the other servers say they feel much better when they don't have to be there day and night. I hope that's so.

As well I'd like to add that the post below is indeed a repost of one that I accidentally deleted this past spring. I have all these under word processor files as well so I put it up in lieu of a drunken rant on my hatred of soup spoons and dessert forks.

In closing I'd like to thank my sponsors...

Red Bull, it indeed gives you wings and its pretty much been my crutch through the hard days this summer has wrought upon me, and also that I have wrought upon myself.

So pretty much its my crack.

I'd also like to thank my gracious sponsor, Jaegermeister, for many unforgettable nights, and for nights that can't be remembered for that matter anyways. It also makes a great combo with Red Bull for a wild time, somehow lately there has been less Red Bull in each "banger" its almost a light splash for a little flavoring.

What a mystery.

And last but not least, thank you Gold Bond Powder, its a lifer saver. I won't say much about it but it relieves a deadly malaise of us waiters.

The dreaded "Swamp Ass"

So off to the lake I go, its time for a reboot and maybe this will clear my head as I prepare for the next stage.

See you all in a week !

Have a great one.


At 1:51 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You too!! Have fun now!

At 11:46 AM , Blogger First Year said...

Lots of luck to you, you've been sounding a bit down I hope things start looking up soon for you :)

At 2:48 PM , Anonymous Loyal Reader said...

So we will be working less shifts for less money as the junta tightens their grip and turns us in the corporate direction much like Ahab setting sail after the white whale that is of the corporate nature.

Um, I like your blog, but that sentence didn't make any sense. What kind of a link were you trying to make here in reference to Moby Dick?

At 4:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let it go man. Let it go.

At 1:24 AM , Anonymous Ms. Cherie said...

Which lake are you heading for?
Have an awesome time, get refreshed, get some sun & have FUN!!!

At 1:32 PM , Blogger Maria said...

A waiter blog! Oh, I love it. Secret, you're my favorite. I just started serving (well, I served for a few months a year ago), so we are sort of kin.

The service industry is getting cheaper though... I'm also barista-ing and my boss is severely understaffed there. But soon it will be all restaurants for me...

Red Bull was my sponsor last year, throughout my first year at University. Next year though, it'll be Tab Energy. Because women need a different kind of energy. Taha.

At 1:42 PM , Blogger Lobster Boy said...

I keep a small ziplock bag filled with corn starch (works better than Gold Bond) at work to combat the dreaded swamp ass. Frequent trips into the freezer on humid days helps too, but you don't get paid much for your time in the freezer. If you can, avoid cotton pants, as the cotton keeps the moisture against your skin (as well does cotton undies). Synthetic undies help a ton, Patagonia make some super nice ones, or a simple pair of tights/compression shorts will do in a pinch. Rotate them every couple of days to let your skin completely dry out and it'll do wonders for your outlook.

And on the 4 shifts changing your outlook - only temporarily. It'll be a nice change the first week or two, but then shortly after it'll still seem like you are always there (if you do them all on different days anyhow).

Keep it dry!

Lobster Boy

At 8:24 PM , Anonymous honeywild said...

Dear Insane Waiter,

I have read almost your entire archive and have a great amount of empathy for you (people are the WORST!). You really have a great natural, unaffected style, I feel like I'm talking with a friend :) I want to comment on a nasty thread I've noticed in the comments left (usually by anonymous assholes) by some of your readers. They like to compare you to Waiterrant, and make disparaging remarks with regards to your spelling and writing skills. Fuck 'em. I think Waiterrant is amazing, but sometimes a bit romantic for my tastes. Spelling and sentence structure is not what conveys a genuine feeling in ones writing. (That's what editors are for.) You are truly entertaining and I feel we get a VERY intimate, honest glimpse into what you do and the people you deal with daily. Plus I bet you're hot (grin). Yours is the first blog I read every day... can't wait for more... don't let the bullshit get you down, baby. You're terrific and I appreciate what you do :)

At 4:55 PM , Blogger Ranter said...

I've read your entire archive already, and the stories are great!

Hope you enjoy going back to full time study. The fact that you can manage that and working long shifts as a server shows how dedicated and diligent you are. Holy moly, I've been at uni full time and part time and working 20+ hours a week, and I still haven't got it right! I should be studying right now, but can't keep away from all the great blogs out there!

Enjoy your well deserved time off!

At 10:08 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

For the record, Honeywild, it was Secret who first made the comparisons to Waiterrant and I'm sure it never would have come up if he hadn't done so to begin with.

At 8:18 PM , Anonymous honeywild said...

Hello there Anonymous,

I did say the negative posts were "usually" left by anonymous readers. I appreciate the clarification. :)

At 12:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"honeywild" is just as anonymous as any other handle if you don't provide contact information so let's stop pretending that you're laying it all out there for all to see :)

At 7:41 PM , Anonymous honeywild said...

Sorry I'm in contact isolation (grin). I don't have a website or a blog or anything. Oh wait, I do have a very bare, uninspired MySpace page.(I'd post the url but I can't remember the exact string and I can't access it from this computer.) It's under "honeywild" too... so, like, drop by any time, and bring stuff.

My post was not meant to be contentious or trollish. I just want to show support for the Insane Lad. I appreciate the banter.

At 11:54 PM , Anonymous Evangeline said...

I just came across this and thought of you.
Bet you've fantasised about something like this before (the second one down)


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