The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Thursday, February 14, 2008

So I'm off tonight!

“Is that really what you think you fucking yuppie?” Asked hippie waitress.

“Just how am I a yuppie?” I asked.

Being called a yuppie is as bad as it gets in this business, its get back time, and I’m the best there is.

“Well you’re rich.” She replied.

“How so, I work in a fucking restaurant as a waiter.” Said I.

“Well you go to college, your parents have a lot of money.” Hippie girl said.

“I pay for tuition with the money I make here, my parents are middle class, so how does that make me a yuppie?” I asked.

“Well my parents have a lot of money.” She said smugly.

I looked her up and down, ratty hair, shitty work ethic and patchouli smell.

“Well you must be a big disappointment to them then.” I said sharply.

Her jaw dropped, lip quivered and eyes watered..

“I told you, don’t fuck with me.” I said as I walked out of the kitchen.

If you can’t take a hit, don’t talk trash.

On a brighter note I managed to avoid a Valentine’s night shift. If I score Mother’s Day and

Easter off it marks my goal of avoiding all amateur hour holidays this year.

So happy day for me, made a hippy cry and avoided a night of guaranteed douchebaggery.

21 Comments:

At 8:30 PM , Blogger Summer said...

HAHAHA!! god you crack me up

 
At 9:24 PM , Blogger mutemonkey said...

Bwah ha ha - whether it's coming from a yuppie or a hippy, smug crap like that ought to be promptly cut down to size. Nice work! :)

 
At 8:55 AM , Blogger The College Gourmet said...

truth.

 
At 9:01 AM , Blogger Ray said...

Left her speechless and crying! Double whammy! Good one.

:)

 
At 3:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bullseye man
Thats the way to keep the trash where it belongs.

 
At 4:16 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

my slave labor camp aka the restaurant has instituted 1 per 2 months given our staff size.

Day after V day was my shift, Im at the nearby Starbucks getting caff'ed and the ladies working there are coo'ing to a regular customer lady, "I got a balloon that sang", "I got chocolates"

I almost burst out laughing as I had best most smooth VDay ever and got bankrolled with a 4 course meal for $49.95 with 20% grat.

 
At 4:18 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i leftout something

the labor camp went to server doing a food running shift on fri/sat once per 2 month

maybe i should not post at 4 am?

 
At 2:32 PM , Anonymous Auntie EM said...

Good work, IW!

 
At 10:39 AM , Anonymous LS said...

heh. Doesn't she realize hippie and yuppie are flip sides of the same coin?

 
At 5:05 PM , Blogger JRH456 said...

You recieved my "You Make My Day Award" at www.jrh456.blogspot.com. Thanks for making my day and feel free to pass it along to your 10 favorite bloggers.

 
At 9:20 PM , Blogger Zen Waitress said...

Don't forget New Year's Eve.

 
At 4:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey it's going to snow Monday......

 
At 4:47 PM , Anonymous boomer said...

There ain't no hippies, and haven't been for 30 years.

People who call themselves hippies today are what we used to call "weekend hippies" back in the day -- head to San Francisco on the weekend for weed and whatever sex they could scare up, then back to live off the parents M-F in in the 'burbs.

Your co-worker is a classic of the breed.

 
At 12:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

But isn't a weekend hippie better than no hippie at all? Or are you a hippie purist, in which case, doesn't that cancel out the whole "hippie-ness" of peace, love, and acceptance?

I didn't know hippies were allowed to be so judgemental...

 
At 12:28 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Saw this today & just wanted to ask you about it- since you work in the restaurant industry. Does stuff like this happen a lot?

http://channels.isp.netscape.com/news/story.jsp?floc=FF-APO-1120&idq=/ff/story/0001%2F20080229%2F1644407221.htm&sc=1120

 
At 5:38 AM , Blogger weare138 said...

I enjoy your blog. Would you enjoy mine? http://wearent138.blogspot.com/

All hail the waiter gods!

 
At 9:37 AM , Blogger Darfuria said...

Haha, winner!

 
At 2:51 PM , Blogger floridagirl said...

Love your blog- my son is 19 and has worked in and walked out of 3 different "chain" restaurants to date. Once he told me the bullshit that REALLY goes on behind the scenes, it blew me away!
The last straw was when the manager of a local nameless chain (begins with Olive and ends with Garden) told him that he had to clean a table where a stranger had just walked in and puked....my little hippie rasta son turned to him and said "Hell no, I am not the maintenance man " , took off his stupid black apron and walked out. Was afraid his father and I would be angry- couldn't be less angry at something like that.

Bastards!

Floridagirl aka cool hippy chic

 
At 2:59 PM , Blogger floridagirl said...

BTW- since everyone in my family, including son's girlfriends, have at one time or still do work in the restaurant trade, we tip 25% at least, ALWAYS! Doesn't matter if the food sucked or the silver was dirty or anything else- TIP THE WAITERS AND WAITRESSES!!!

 
At 2:30 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This must be made up. Your comeback was lame. Hippie probably laughed.

 
At 2:16 PM , Blogger mary said...

you are my hero!!!!!

 

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