The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Saturday, March 22, 2008


Dear table 47...

I want to thank you for the little note this afternoon.

While I know I am not the perfect server I am thankful for the note you left this afternoon.

I haven't received a complaint in about four years, other than the letter protesting the gratuity on a new years eve, because they didn't feel like tipping.

Well the note was interesting to say the least.

The first claim was that I didn't deliver your drinks and that you would never come back.

Well I recall pouring your water and one Iced Tea, when I offered to refill you waved me off.

Naturally you asked for a lemon and a straw, something every tap water should come with.

The second claim was that I never checked back on you, however when I offered a refill on your tea I was waved off as I made sure the meal was satisfactory.

I know it was awful that I ignored you and I want to apologize, but I won't.

As well I didn't offer you your bread and oil, though I know it is a precious commodity, we don't offer such at lunch and I know it is a travesty.

As well the table next to you left me a shitty tip because they figured I forgot their bread as well, my mistake I suppose.

Naturally the next insult was far overboard, I didn't offer you separate checks...

Even though you both ordered the same thing.

Even though I carry the tickets on me that I fell will need them first.

I guess it was worth writing a message to the manager though, damn a waiter who dares assume two ladies who order the exact same thing may be on one check.

Even though it took me perhaps thirty seconds to rectify the "situation".

Thank you for the complaint, we always welcome feedback from our guests, even if it is the stupid writing of an idiot.

Thank you for stiffing me on both separate checks as well, it was a pleasure to pay a dollar each for the pleasure of waiting on your type of white trash…


At 7:58 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another bunch of assholes born with an inflated sense of self-entitlement.

Imagine if you had *really* fucked up.


At 8:16 AM , Anonymous Daniel said...

It proves they were truly stupid that they couldn't divide the bill in half all by themselves or lacking that, they could just each give their credit card for their half of the bill.

oy - I could never be a waiter - I lack the patience to deal with arrogant fools.

At 8:01 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please pass the salt

Amen brother

At 8:02 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please pass the salt

Amen brother

At 10:52 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

It reminds me of my shift the other day at the OG when two "ladies" stiffed me because I wouldn't let them "share" a soup and salad. Of course I charged them both for their meal, and of course management paid for one of their meals after telling them "you can't split a soup and salad" - and then allowing them to do just that.

At 12:39 PM , Anonymous robo-server said...

I just remember them and refuse to serve them again, or I write their name and shitty tip on bitterwaitress. Then I go in the bathroom and cry. Just kidding, robots don't cry.

At 10:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

you think the OG is bad my moronic boss beats your moronic boss...

Ok its Sat night and our city recently passed a law of no smoking in places with less than 51 % of sales from alcohol so our bar tables are now eating tables.

I get into a nice argument with a guy and his wife actually the husband was the douche bag. They have dined with us before and the table has a 2 X 3 inch table tent saying RESERVED on it. He was on our wait list and had his vibra-coaster but HAD NOT been sat by a hostess or he wouldnt have the coaster and would have menus.

It ggot to the point I ordered him out of my table and section as he was in the far end of it. He continued and I suggested he might want to cease his derogatory tirade or I would see him throw out. Unknown to him we now have undercover cops to handle the real assholes.

We have gone to first come first sat NO RESERVATIONS so that and table hijackers are the only area servers can show some backbone and get backed up by management.

SO the next legit seating is 4 young good looking black girls in their teens to mid20s. Turns out they got tired of being on the wait and called in a TO GO order for 2 of them. And if a table wasnt available they planned to take it to go. The other two ordered after being sat.

I am SO glad they informed the manager of their neat idea as I would have handed them their to go bags and they could eat it at the table with the provided plasticware.

They had over $100 tab and left around $6 so pissing them off to the point of stiffing would have been no big loss.

What pissed me off so much was the disrespect they showed to others in the wait line ahead of them. Yes my manager jumped them up the line because of the called in order.

At 9:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reading your posts, you are insane and an asshole to boot. I am sure your condescending attitude is mnifested in your service to your customers. Therefore you are earning the low tips you are receiving. Try being a nicer human being and get into another line of business...

At 11:58 PM , Blogger Youngblood said...

I once had a table that told me i wasn't fit to be a waiter because i charged them extra to add shrimp, scallops, and crab-meat to a salad. Never mind the fact that before the order went in i explained that there would be an extra charge.

At 2:23 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

9am Anonymous...I wouldn't be surprised if you were one of those women. You're probably the type of bitch every waiter hates to have in their section.


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