The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Spaghetti and Meatballs?

One week to go.

And every day I find it more and more difficult not to go off on some potentially irritating "guest" in my section.

Tonight I had a man demanding spaghetti and meatballs.

Problem is the only meatballs we carry come in appetizer form (and are huge) and we don't carry spaghetti as a pasta.

So I sold him on fettuchini with pomodoro sauce and asked him how many meatballs he would like, telling him they were baseball sized.

"Well I want two, I love meatballs," he said.

No problem.

I brought him his giant dish, it looked great and he was pleased, until the check came.

"What is this $18.95 Open Food Charge?" He asked with much irritation.

"That's the cost of your pasta sir." I responded.

"Why didn't you ring it in as spaghetti? This is ridiculous! I shouldn't have to pay that much for spaghetti and meatballs." He spouted.

"Well sir you ordered something that isn't on the menu, that is the price point charge that the kitchen had me ring you in as." I replied.

"Hmmmph," was all he had to say.

He stiffed me on the table's bill, because he actually had to pay more than ten bucks for his dinner.

Its not like I get anything out of charging him that much, I don't make commission, I make gratuities, which apparently are far from guaranteed.

I don't make the policies, I just enforce them, and sometimes pay the price.

Of course I had to pay out of my own pocket $2.00 for the privilege of having to take his uncultured, cheap ass table in the form of my tip-out to the bar and buss staff.

Only one more week to go.

Best thing #1 about my new job, no tip out.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


There's something surreal about being somewhere at the end, as the last gasps of what made my place, our crew, special slide into the past.

This past week resignation notice after notice poured into the office.

I'm not talking about some neewbies or worthless server, I'm talking the core staff.

Including my notice.

This past week and this next one coming up are something different.

The group is going to be split, sure there are assurances of everyone hanging out and all of that, but damn, seriously these are some of the best people I've worked with and dammit!

Most of us are going to better places, high end steakhouses, bistros, wine bars and the such.

Most of us have been recruited by friends or management in other restaurants, and I take that as a supreme compliment.

I have no less than three different gigs at high end jobs waiting for me.

But I think I'll take the small, privatly owned and decidedly not corperate path.

And really, I can't get much higher in this business as far as the food, wine, money, recognition and establishment type, at least not in my town.

I could always take manager, there's been offers.

But I really don't want a demotion.

After all when you leave a restaurant who do you remember, the manager, on his way to the office for a nap...

Or the waiter who can guide you to precisely what you want, paired with the wine perfect wine, followed by a wonderful after dinner port and dessert.

But I digress...

So as we have these last few nights out at the pub it feels like an ending not only to a job, but to where I have been for the last years.

I've met some great friends here, they've been there for me, and I've been there for them.

Here's to them, the best damn staff I've ever had the privelige of working with.

Something like this is special, and I've only seen it on rare occasion, but we're all brothers and sisters here, and all I can say is dammit.

Its a shame management is driving us off like this, and they only now have a clue that they're losing a staff of such quality, knowledge and skill.

And as with the last place I worked, I swore that this was my last serving job.

Maybe this new one will be, maybe not.

But dammit, what a ride.

And what a shame...