The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Another One Bites the Dust

A few things about this week.

One of the managing owners came in the other night as a shitty snow/ice storm hit the area.
His entire extended family was supposed to come in for dinner, about twenty five people or so. We all were looking forward to it as he probably was going to take care of the bill and he is a pretty good tipper.

Well we had the entire party set up, had to move tables from the basement and fun stuff like that, then they cancelled.

Understandable considering the weather.

Well I came up to the owner and said, “Hey, we had that set up so nice and it took all that hard work!” in a jesting manner.

“Man, its treacherous out there, they can’t be expected to drive in this!” He responded.

“Well I made it in, apparently you expected your staff to drive here in this weather.” I said.

He was speechless and kind of gave me a queer look, then walked away.

And it was a dead night, I had three tables and a few of the reservations showed. Most cancelled, or rather I should say we called them to confirm and they cancelled.

As well a very good friend of mine was fired this week for a bullshit reason because the new management had it out for him. I might get into that another time, but it was this guy that was 86‘D with me many years ago.

He’s been with me at the last three restaurants and damn, I just hate this corporate restaurant style bullshit. It would have been one thing to be fired for fucking up, but because some ego centric manager is an impotent dick and incompetent is a totally different situation.

All of the other managers know how pissed I am and are keeping me at arms length, he was a popular guy around the restaurant and basically a legend around town as a waiter. The mood at work after he was fired was that of a funeral.

The whole day after I was furious and ready to explode. One of the assistant managers came up to me and asked if I was going to quit.

Don’t think that I didn’t think about it.

But for the moment I could use this job, I have no illusions about it, at this point I’m only in it for the money and for the short term. Sometimes I just hate this business, but that’s why I go to college, I just have to get through this year.

Not that I haven’t said that before…

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Saturday, Feb 11th

“Thank you for calling, how can I help you?” I asked.

“Umm, yeah, can you get four of us in at 6:30?” The man on the phone asked.

“I’m afraid we’re booked until eight thirty sir, I can get you in either then or if you make it here by 5:30 I can pencil you in then as well, “ I responded.

“Well I have tickets to a show tonight, I need to be there at 6:30.” He said firmly.

“I’m afraid I can’t fit you in there sir, we’re quite busy tonight, it is Saturday, after all.” I said.

“But its my girlfriend’s birthday, we’re going out with friends and she really wants to go there before the show,” his voice had gone from firm to pleading.

“Sorry sir, we’re very busy tonight and I can’t fit you in, thank you for calling.” I said.

He grumbled a “thank you” and hung up.

I don’t know why I did it, I can’t believe I picked up a host shift on a Saturday afternoon.

I guess I didn't escape unscathed after all with the Valentines Day weekend.

Once again, “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

“I’ll be coming in tonight with a party of six at seven o’clock, the name will be under Dr. Rosenrosen,” The man calling stated.

“Well Doctor, the soonest I can get you in would be eight thirty.” I responded.

“Well we have to eat at seven, that time is unacceptable.” He replied haughtily.

Actually calling in a group only hours before you want to eat with that attitude is unacceptable.

“I’m afraid we’re booked solid, its impossible to get you in before eight thirty.” I said.

“Well that just won’t do!” He exclaimed.

I was just about to reply with an oh so sincere apology, but there was nothing but dial-tone.

Another call…

“I want a reservation of two for eight and I want a window table.” Was the request.

I look at the floor, a ten top and a fifteen are taking up all the window seats.

“Sir, I can squeeze you in at eight thirty, but I can’t promise you a window seat.” I said.

“Well we eat there all the time and we’re friends with _________,” He said.

“Sir, there are no window tables available.” I said.

“That’s unacceptable, is _________ there, I want to talk to him.” He demanded.

“No he’s not in today, would you still like to dine with us tonight?” I said.

“Well I guess, I just don’t see why we can’t have a window seat!.”

I penciled him in for a section that was a long ways from mine, with a shitty waiter.

Just then a group of three ladies came in the door, thirty minutes before opening.

“Hello there, what can I do for you?” I asked.

“Uh yeah, we’re here eat?” One of them stated, while making a motion that implied that for some reason as a restaurant employee I wouldn’t know why people would come in to eat.

“Well miss we don’t open for another thirty minutes…”

She interrupted me, “Well your door is open, that means you are open.”

“Nonetheless, we won’t be serving for another thirty minutes.” I said.

“Well we want to be seated,” she replied.

I looked over my shoulders, the sections weren’t set up and the servers were bustling about preparing for the shift, no way was I going to take one of them away from their side work.

“Ladies, the bar is open if you would like to wait in there and have a drink,” I said.

“I just don’t see why we can’t have a table NOW!” She replied.

Just then the phone rang, I never thought I’d be so happy to hear that noise.

“Excuse me ladies while I take this,” I said while pointing in the direction of the bar.

They just huffed and stomped off.

“How can I help you tonight?” I asked.

“I called earlier about coming out with my girlfriend tonight, I don’t know if you remember me.” The caller stated.

How could I forget.

“What can I do to get in at 6:30? I’ll do anything, I’m begging you here.” He pleaded.

Normally I wouldn’t be above taking twenty bucks, but there was no way I could fit him in without bumping someone who actually was responsible and that had made their reservation in a timely manner.

Instead I said, “Sorry sir, there’s nothing I can do, if you want to come in earlier I can get you."

He hung up.

Just then the night host came in.

“I don’t know how you can put up with these people,” I said.

“It’s a special kind of hell,” he replied.

Yes it is.

I put my tie on and started to do my opening side work. After we were all ready the chef went though the features and management did their usual BS rah rah motivation speech that was met with apathy. The host came up and asked the managers if we were ready for table, he was given the go ahead.

The first table went right in my section.

It was the three ladies who threw a tantrum.

“We just don’t understand why you didn’t seat us, you were here the whole time!” The lady exclaimed.

I briefly stated we weren’t ready with our preparations.

I asked them for their drink orders, white zinfandel of course, and was about to go into my feature spiel when I was interrupted…

“Don’t you have something that you should be telling us?” She asked with an accusatory tone.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“Aren’t there specials you should be telling us about?” She clarified.

Sure, I went and rattled them off.

“Oh, and if we did seat you when you came in I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what the features were, just thought you should no that.” I said

‘What did you say?” She asked sharply.

I was already back turned, heels clicked and headed to get them their sickly sweet hobo wine.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

I Am Here

Ok, well spelling, grammatical and errors of such aside, I am still here.

Am I posting as much as I had in the past?


Am I posting as much as I would like?


Am I retired and pulling a "Server Stories" with no posts for six months?

No to that as well.

I appreciate people reading this site, there are many posts in the archive for new readers, I am happy some people have enjoyed this blog, equally as happy that some people have been pissed or aggravated.

The fact is this, I am working part time in this industry as of now with an increased amount of credit hours in college. Beyond that, the fact is that last semester I had upwards of what end up being forty some pages in essays, tem papers etc.

I will have as many or more this semester, so I am limited on what I am expecting myself to write.

I am not out of stories or controversies, nor am I wanting to stop as of now.

As a goal I would like to post at least once a week, something I have fallen sort of for the last few
months, something that I do regret.

I ask patience, or if it is your desire, this is a free country and you can choose something else to read or comment on.

I am just as happy having ten hits a day as a thousand as this has been a forum for me to vent on what I deem as a release for me or as what I view as injustice.

I enjoy your feedback and comments, and as always any and all are free to read, comment or disagree,

The Secret Server.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

And Now a Reading...

From the book of Servitude: 4:20

Lo, a rumbling in the East, the sea of red roses was replaced with the thrifty and the meek.

Behold the seas shall boil and fire and sulfur shall rain from the heavens.

False idols shall be worshiped and moneychangers at the halls of mark shat profit from man’s foolishness.

A holy meal of sustenance shall be prepared, and though there is much want on the bodily plane, cartons of transport filled with the fruits of grain shall be forgotten by the absent minded.

And it shall come to pass that the chosen one will not toil this eve nor be subjected to the wrath of the petty and cruel…

A sacrifice of a young virgin shall take his stead at the alter of judgment, the cruel overseers thwarted at last.

The serving gods have been pleased and the hours of the day shall be spent in glee and…

Battleground 2, Modern Combat on X-Box 360 Live!

All praise the cruel and all knowing god of Servitude.

Thus ends our reading…