The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Thursday, February 14, 2008

So I'm off tonight!

“Is that really what you think you fucking yuppie?” Asked hippie waitress.

“Just how am I a yuppie?” I asked.

Being called a yuppie is as bad as it gets in this business, its get back time, and I’m the best there is.

“Well you’re rich.” She replied.

“How so, I work in a fucking restaurant as a waiter.” Said I.

“Well you go to college, your parents have a lot of money.” Hippie girl said.

“I pay for tuition with the money I make here, my parents are middle class, so how does that make me a yuppie?” I asked.

“Well my parents have a lot of money.” She said smugly.

I looked her up and down, ratty hair, shitty work ethic and patchouli smell.

“Well you must be a big disappointment to them then.” I said sharply.

Her jaw dropped, lip quivered and eyes watered..

“I told you, don’t fuck with me.” I said as I walked out of the kitchen.

If you can’t take a hit, don’t talk trash.

On a brighter note I managed to avoid a Valentine’s night shift. If I score Mother’s Day and

Easter off it marks my goal of avoiding all amateur hour holidays this year.

So happy day for me, made a hippy cry and avoided a night of guaranteed douchebaggery.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Drunken Retort

"Youre a dip shit Pack it tight and get to work on time. THE WHOLE WORLD KNEW A WEEK IN ADVANCE THAT IT WAS GOING TO SNOW. Plan ahead and quit trying to blaze a new trail back to the stone age. DIP SHIT"

First off nice spelling, one of the semi-frequent criticism I face.

Secondly, if a vehicle gets stuck in the snow, not much you can do about it but find alternate modes of transport, which I did find at much inconvenience to myself and to my employer as I was well over an hour late. I was up a half an hour early in anticipation of poor driving conditions, not anticipating my lot being covered in drifts of snow.

I pushed for not coming in, my time is my time and I’ve always said, if you can’t use me, lose me.

My time was wasted by a timid GM who can’t make an executive decision. I went through great trouble to get to work only to be told I wasn’t needed.

If I ran my own crew I would have assessed the situation in a different manner, a fair manner that took the staff into consideration, something this business rarely does.

I was recently offered the position of service manager and I turned it down, frankly because I value my education and have different goals.

As well I was awarded employee of the month just yesterday, beyond that I have missed three shifts in six years.

That type of employee is one I cast doubt upon when they are stranded by weather or illness.

This business can be B.S. much of the time, and so can many customers and commentators such as yourself, good day sir.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Calling in

Well it happened, it snowed a damn foot.

Being as I live in an ill managed apartment complex, they hadn’t plowed the lot yet.

Braving 12 cold inches, I managed to get my car out of my spot, only to get stuck mere yards from the street outlet.

I was giving a neighbor a ride to work and I looked over at him.

“We’re fucked.” Was what that look stated.

Run after run up the incline I made, with little to no avail. Driving around the building yielded little in the way of progress as well.

I was stuck, and having to make a call I dreaded.

For I was about to dare to call in.

I thought to myself, who is the opening manager?

It was Wednesday, that meant the GM, the same guy who somehow thought I faked a flat tire so I could be late, the same guy who refuses to let us call in sick unless we find a replacement for the shift, the same guy who thought I snuck in and looked at the side work chart and called in when I found out it was easy.

I called.

“Yeah GM, I don’t know if I’m going to make it in today, my lot is still snowed in.” I said.

“Really, well other servers are already here, maybe you should have gotten up early.” He responded.

“I did get up early, I’m stuck and can’t get out, I’m not just running late.” I said.

“Well we need you to get here, other servers haven’t had problems.” He said.

I’m not other servers, my car can’t get out of the lot, I’ve been trying for twenty minutes.” I said.

“Well you should have gotten up earlier.” He countered.

I hate circular logic, its what small children use when they have no leg to stand on, them and small minded middle managers.

“ Well nonetheless, I’m not going to be able to drive to work today, I don’t think you’ll need a full staff due to the weather.” I said.

“That’s up for me to decide, can’t you take a cab?” He asked.

If you want me to wait two hours for one, it did snow a foot after all.” I said.

“How about the bus, you can take that.” He responded.

“The next bus won’t be along for about forty five minutes, that really isn’t convenient to get me back and forth from work on a day like today.” I said.

“Well just get here as soon as you can.” He finished by clicking off.

Man, your boss is a dick.” My friend said.

“You should know, he fired you,” I said with a smile,” looks like we’re taking the bus.”

An hour and a half later I arrived at work, the bus was running slow in the poor weather.

“Oh, we don’t need you today, I had the bartender try to call you.” Said the GM as I entered the door.

I glanced at my phone, they had called only five minutes prior.

“Well what fucking good does that do?” I sputtered, “why couldn’t you just let me stay home when I called?”

“We didn’t know how busy it would get, we might have needed you.” Said the GM.

“It snowed a foot overnight! How busy do you think it could have been?” I said with dismay.

“I just wasted two hours of my time trying to get here and none of it would have been necessary if you would have let me call off.” I continued.

“Well it was to early to call.” he said.

“We’re not even open yet, you’re in the same situation as when I called you, we’ll be dead, and you just wasted half my morning and now I have to wait another hour until the bus comes by again.” I said, right before I walked out the door.

Today I asked another waiter how busy it got yesterday.

“Man, it was fucking dead.” He said.

No shit, it snowed a damn foot.