The Insane Waiter

Running wild on customers, chefs, owners and managers since 1997. I bring to you, The Insane Waiter. What do bring to your table? A crisp bottle of San Pellegrino ? Perhaps a lovely seared Sashimi Tuna? Start off with a wonderful bottle from Tuscany perhaps? Why I'll be more than happy to bring you your White Zinfandel and Chicken Caesar. No you can't order the mac and cheese off the kids menu and sorry no, we don't serve cheese sticks....

Monday, September 29, 2008

Waiter Rant the show

Congrats to Steve at Waiter Rant for having his book optioned as a show.

Even though the service industry is a HUGE employer nationwide, the media has kept us much in the background.

Where we generally are kept anyways. However besides Cheers or a few sub par movies like Waiting there hasn't been much to say.

At work to shoot the shit sometimes we have talked about a TV comedy taking place in the restaurant. Certainly every restaurant has its drama, its romances and naturally its characters.

I hope they get it right and let Steve have his creativity get invloved and not have some over-produced glossy mess.

Myself, I'd see it as one part Clerks and one part The Office, if I had to give expectations.

Waiting tried to be the Clerks of the restaurant world, and but for a few moments, failed largely.

Flipping around the networks it is hard to find an actually well written, funny show. Most try to follow the Friends trend or to pick up former stars and put them in an unrecognizable situation.

Sure I like Barney on How I Met Your Mother, but without him the show would be crap.

I hope Waiter Rant the show would be something unconventional, just like The Office is funny because it is something most people can relate to, so could Waiter Rant.

I mean how many people have put time in during college at a bar or restaurant, how many have as a second job? Tens upon tens of millions.

We all can relate to an egotistical chef, clueless manager, manager with the heart of gold, shady waiter, wisecracking bartender.

Every restaurant has their own characters, so did Waiter Rant the book and I'd like to see a good translation to the screen.

Once again congrats Steve!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Line of the week

After a hard shift waitstaff everywhere gather for a solemn moment.

No, not the debauchery of blow, whiskey and "the grass"

That comes later.

The after shift meal.

That is unless a table comes in late in the shift, the moment after I ring my food in (happens 100% of the time)

Well, we were gathered for our hard earned meal when a couple from the patio walked past.

"Oh! I see they let the help eat!?" Exclaimed the lady of the couple.

Yes, they "let" us eat, we just don't go recharge in the closet after we fetch you your third martini.

Friday, September 05, 2008


In my experience hosting is similar to waiting tables, anyone can do it, but not everyone can do it well.

Unfortunately the author of the comment is one of the terrible ones. Her attitude is reminiscent of the worst this business has to offer.

I'll juxtapose this to one of our hostesses, we'll call her Marie.

Marie is twenty four years old, married and has been hosting through her pregnancy. She is probably in the top five percent as far as hard workers go.

She rotates sections and keeps up with the number of covers each server has. She treats us with respect and since she earns hers by the boatload she get it back.

Marie spends her free time not text messaging or hitting on managers to get the day off, she spend it confirming reservations and setting up the dinning room.

Never would she feel she has to "punish" waitstaff by screwing them. Not because we respect her, but because it is just wrong and bad for business.

Any host that takes delight in messing with a waiter's income should be fired.


Yeah, I've tangled with a few like our guest commentator. They are the type that refuses any sort of direction and are quick to assign blame instead of avoiding problems by using very basic problem solving.

If you ask them to do something or to follow procedure a snotty "you're not my boss" or "don't tell me what to do" follows.

Poor parenting I think.

I recall recently being screamed at by a 17 year old brat because she sat a couple in my section at a dirty table. Apparently it was my fault because I didn't get to the table quick enough.

I calmly found the host manager and had the girl chewed out.

She embarassed me and embarassed the restaurant by simply not following the chart. This is why hostesses can't make their own decisions and have to be guided by someone who can.

Marie is someone who can guide.

The real problem is that with few exceptions there aren't Maries to be found, most at that age and maturity have moved on to server, where the money is.

That or they simply found that a degree in event planning or disaster relief probably pays more rent than a minimum wage job at a greasy spoon.

Both careers which require discipline, decision making skills, respect and communication.

All which are also requirements of a good host.

P.S. I graduated last semester and have several college visits with the admissions offices of noted private schools in the area.

I've decided on Human Resource Management, maybe I can find a bridge between management and staff and make a difference in the plight of the employee rather than just rattle on about it here.

And yes, I may retire from the biz in the next months, or cut down to a shift or two a week at most.

Yes, this grease stays in the blood and its hard to get out.